and a hundred thousand more to go, yeah, life is good isn't it. Monday - exam, then starting tuesday, lunch service in restaurant for 2 weeks followed by dinner service for another week = no easter break whatsoever. And believe me, working in a restaurant is not easy. I need a break from army camp. to where the pink pigs fly and everyone is happy.
Saya akan cuba "blog" dalam bahasa melayu kerana selepas datang ke Australia sejak hampir tiga bulan dahulu, saya mula rasa bahawa tahap bahasa melayu saya sudah merosot. Kamu semua mungkin tahu atau mungkin tak tahu, World Police and Fireman Games (WPFG) sedang diadakan di Adelaide sekarang (sebenarnya, hari ini hari terakhir WPFG). Harga tiket untuk menyaksikan WPFG amat mahal, jadi saya tidak mungkin ada peluang menyaksikan pertandingan antara ahli bomba dan polis yang macho dan kacak (kecuali yang dari MS =P) dari seluruh dunia ini. Saya cuma pernah bertemu dengan wakil-wakil ahli bomba dan polis dari Sepanyol, Moscow, Jerman, Jepun, dan ada lagi yang saya tidak tahu dari mana, atas bas setiap pagi bila saya pergi ke universiti, dan juga di pusat bandar pada hujung minggu. Akan tetapi, oleh sebab Tuhan amat menyayangi saya, hari ini, perlumbaan basikal mereka diadakan di sekeliling "rumah" saya. Jadi, saya berpeluang menyaksikan perlumbaan basikal mereka dan juga mengambil beberapa video mereka menunggang basikal. Tapi, video-video tersebut amat kecil dan kabur kerana kamera telefon bimbit saya tidak begitu canggih. haih.
Translation: I'm going to try blogging in Malay because after coming to Aus since 3 months ago, I'm starting to realise that my Malay standard is deteriorating. As you all may or may not know, the World Police and Fireman Games (WPFG) are being held here in Adelaide right now (it's actually the last day for the WPFG today). The tickets to go in and watch the games are expensive, so obviously I didn't have a chance of witnessing any of the games between these macho, hunky (except those from MS =P) policemen and firemen from all over the world. I've only ever met the policemen and firemen representatives from Spain, Moscow, Germany, Japan, and some others from I-have-no-idea-where on my way to Uni on the bus, and in the city on weekends. However, because God loves me a lot, the track for the WPFG bicycle race today is all around my neighbourhood. Therefore, I had a chance to witness the bicycle race and I also took some videos of the whole group of macho firemen and policemen riding bicycles. The videos are, however, pretty small and blurry because my phone camera is crappy. haih. I give up with the Malay. Blame the broken Malay AND English translations on me listening to chinese songs while typing in Malay and translating that to English (it's always something else's fault =P). I really should get some studying done for my multiple exams next week. *sighs*. At least I got to see hunky P and F racing today. =D. yeah, there's really so little to do here that I'm starting to look at hunks from overseas. Oh my. God help me! I feel the need to update (even if it's just nonsensical rubbish) whenever I have to be doing something else (eg. study). =Dis when I have 5 exams in a week (next week) and a big assignment due the week after that, and another exam the week after that, plus service in the restaurant for lunch and dinner (part of our assessment) during those 3 exam/assignment weeks. Who on earth comes up with timetables like this?!?! gah! This is hate... pure hate.
Overview of exams for next week: Exam no.1 = memorising half a million cocktail recipes and garnishes, and making whatever cocktail we're asked to make in the exam (did I mention we have a time limit to this? ho ho ho), exam no.2 = accounting... the name speaks for itself, exam no.3 = carrying 4 freaking heavy dishes n remembering the whole waitressing procedure like how we would serve an extremely high class demanding customer (not to mention my lecturer is a racist *sighs*), exam no.4 = a mock job interview (okay so this one doesn't really matter and I couldn't care less about this subject either but it's still an exam), exam no.5 = memorising half a million pages full of worthless information, Assignment = visiting and interviewing restaurant managers and writing a report (sounds fun? so not! Eating up my precious time doing the interviews when, at the end of the day, I have to analyse every other thing anyway), Exam no. 6 = memorising another half a million pages of worthless information. Whoever came up with the idea of theory exams should be shot.Because they rock my world, that's why. Inspiration for this post: a big huge dosage of Heroes and Smallville (specifically the Justice episode) as a *ahem* self-reward for having finally completed my assignment. *grin* I wish I had superpowers too, like the Xmen and Justice League. *drool* 'Cause superpowers are so cool. AND I can meet hot superheroes like Oliver Queen and Clark Kent (or more specifically Justin Hartley and Tom Welling, heeheehee, not that I like them as actors, I just find the whole Superhero + hunky good looks package so cool) Too bad ep. 11 is probably the last we'll see of Green Arrow in Smallville, damn. Point of this post? I love Superheroes.
An update! omg! This is due to prolonged guilt of leaving my blog dead... and also subconscious procrastination from my 3000 word assignment due in 3 days time which I haven't yet started. ho ho ho. My brain does this a lot. When I have due dates coming up, I sort of go against logic and start doing everything but what I'm supposed to do... which at this point in time, is my assignment. BUT, that's beside the point. The point is, I'm updating! Like omg, like that's so fascinating, like, I'm just really bored right now (and I'm avoiding my assignment =D).
Life in Adelaide so far: Oh wait, what life? Spending 42.5 hours a week (on average) looking at my lecturers/classmates/scenery outside whichever classroom window is anything but a life. By the time I get home each day, I'm so burned out I just wanna crawl under the covers and sleep. But oh, I can't just come home and sleep straightaway every day. I've got chores and important matters to attend to; such as catching up on my anime's and series (like YES I HAVE MY CONNECTION FINALLY!), watching tv, racing cars (my secret night life in Adelaide, that's why I'm not online so much at night anymore.. no, in case you were dumb enough to think so, not really, I am now a temporary owner of an xbox.. and an NFS game =D)... not to mention of course the homeworks I have to complete, 'cause I'm just such a hardworking person (I absolutely do not leave my homeworks till the last minute, and completing them on the bus to uni is absolutely out of the question *grins*) Apart from all that positivity, I do like Adelaide as a place. The weather's not that extreme (yet), the people are friendly, the place I stay is so unfairly convenient, I can walk anywhere I want in anything I want and people won't stare at me funny, etc. etc. OH oh OH OH! I have to have to tell you all this. My favourite class is beverage service class, in other words, bar class, where we get to taste alcohol free and make yummylicious cocktails and drink them. ho ho ho. The irony of it is, I don't even like alcohol to begin with. BUT... I love that class, and I love cocktails, the ones I make anyway, HAH! ANYway, my assignment is sitting there making me feel guilty, so maybe I'll get started on it... after I'm done with tonight's dose of anime and Heroes. =) I promise pictures will come soon. But then again, maybe not. I haven't taken much pics since I came here, 'cause I'm not as "zhilian" (narcissistic... wait, is that even the right spelling? I'm so un-narcissistic I even forgot how to spell it =P) as some people (*ahem* *cough* sim *ahem* *cough* hiao miao *ahem*). Good day, see you, bye bye, tata, so long, farewell.................................... assignments should be banned...a new beginning..
They say that the way you spend your new year's eve countdown is the way the rest of your year is gonna be. I've never believed in that, but this year, I so hope that it's true. My new year's eve countdown was spent bbq-ing with friends... the people I love and the people I'm gonna miss so much. We spent the whole night talking and laughing, all the way till about 2.30 a.m. The time after the countdown and new year's "yamseng" with water and barley (our tuak and white wine =P) was spent having a "parliament session"... a sort-of p-and-c "get-to-know-each-other" question-and-answer session. I so wish that I can spend the rest of the year with those same people, having fun, talking, laughing, no worries, no nothing. *sighs* However, that belief is probably nowhere near true. Because I know of people who got drunk, who got sick, and who got robbed that night. I highly doubt they'ld be very happy about getting drunk, sick, or robbed the whole year long. This is me signing off. ...a spontaneous update to let you know that my blog is still alive. I'm just too busy to update at the moment. =Dand I'm happy. =) It's so amazing once you decide not to worry about those negative stupid pessimistic lil thoughts in your head, and just go out and be yourself. =) And I think I've found the cause for all that emo talk 2 posts before this: "And I feel like maybe I sub-consciously made myself feel this way so that I won't miss everyone too much". Because before the gathering, I made up my mind to not care so much about what I felt, and to just let down the barrier. It's been a really long time since I was actually fully myself around them, and it felt so good.
And, it also felt very very mega nostalgic. Suddenly, I was again back in the classroom two rooms away from the staff room. Suddenly, I was again clad in the white and blue outfit I knew so well for those 5 years of my life. Suddenly, I was again back there, two weeks before SPM, laughing and playing around in class like nothing mattered. I still remember those days before SPM, while most of the people in the other class were busy studying, WE were busy playing cards in class and listening to mp3's, walkmen, and what-not. We even had our own little "casino"... we broke into the once-upon-a-time storeroom joined to our classroom ('cause we were using the old KH bengkel), which was by then empty, and used it to play cards during breaks. Irony of it was that most of the senior prefects and prefects were from our class. *grin* It felt really nice, yet nostalgic, to be there among my old friends, playing like how we used to... laughing like how we used to. I used to get annoyed at the whole jungle queen thing back when it was first started by Rod. But, over the years it's kinda grown onto me, like my identity among my old friends... so much so that I couldn't help laughing along with them when they did it all over again just now. (Tzy Wen, if you're reading this, your head already got chopped off 5-6 times tonight? =P) *sighs* I really miss them, a lot more than I actually thought possible. I'm really glad I went tonight, and I'm really glad I made myself feel stupid about ever thinking the way I thought. Bottom line is, I think I've been trying to avoid getting too close to them because I'm afraid of parting with them again... afraid of saying goodbye to them once more... afraid of feeling the nostalgia and loneliness I felt about 1 year and 10(?) months ago. I'm already finding it really difficult to say bye to the wonderful friends I've made in college. Which is why my mind subconsciously tried to shut out my old friends, to avoid missing too many people too much. But, as of now, I have a new resolution... to kill my subconscious and really catch up and spend whatever time I have left with my friends.. old and new! I miss my old friends a lot a lot.. and I'm gonna miss my college friends and new friends a lot a lot, so the only thing I CAN do is to spend as much time with them as possible before I leave. Who wants to make appointment now? heeheeI've made up my mind that I will be as happy as I can be from now. I will not wallow in self-pity, or depression. I will not dwell on my problems, but rather, I will dwell on the things that make me happy. At every one time in our lives, we face good and bad things. And it's entirely up to us whether we want to worry about the bad things, or enjoy the good. And so in my whole listening-to-christmas-songs jiwang-ness, I've made up my mind that from now on, I will only focus on the things that make me happy. Problems are there to allow us to grow from trials and possibly mistakes made. How else to tackle a problem than to be happy and calm about it? =) I believe there's always a rainbow at the end of a storm.
"The greatest joy in life is giving" I like the satisfaction I get when I've made someone happy.. the kind of satisfaction you get from just being there for someone, or making another person feel appreciated. The inspiration for this post: In order to bring happiness to others, we'll have to be happy ourselves. Being optimistic is a good remedy for illness. Rather than seeing all the negative sides of a situation, isn't it better to focus on the constructive points of it. I've made up my mind to stop being sad about my leaving this place in 17 days time. Instead, I will enjoy whatever time I have left here to the fullest, and know that one day I will again be back home. =)That's what I say now anyway... I'm pretty confident that I will be overly homesick once I get there. *sighs*... *think happy thoughts*
Peter Rabbit told me there's going to be a potluck on Christmas night, with a couple of my ex-classmates, and now I'm contemplating whether to go or not. I don't know... I've always had this insecurity around my ex-classmates... probably due to past hurts and things that I've seen done to my friends around me by people from my class. And this all led me to how I am today with them; very wary and afraid to trust them, even though it's been two years since we all left form 5. I know some of you (my ex-classmates) may be reading my blog right now, and I know things have probably changed since 2 years ago, but this is just how I feel.
This insecurity led me to put up a barrier around myself whenever I'm around them. I become very quiet, and anti-social when I'm around them, which as most of you probably know, is very un-Joce-like. I feel like every action, every word, is going to be judged. I feel like, I'm probably not wanted around them. I feel, in other words, not myself, and left out. And the irony of this is, these feelings only started after we left form 5... probably due to the distance from everyone else. And I feel like maybe I sub-consciously made myself feel this way so that I won't miss everyone too much, like all the nostalgia and "i miss my high sch classmates" feeling I felt throughout my whole first semester in college. And because of this, I become afraid every time I'm asked to meet up with them. And the less I meet up with them, the more insecure and left out I feel, making me feel even more afraid when I do need to meet up with them. It's a vicious cycle. I really do miss them. But I just can't shake off this feeling of insecurity and wariness. (which is why, sel, I need you sooo. Because you usually are able to knock some sense into my head.) I often tell myself to just forget it, to just break the barrier and be myself. After all, if they're true friends they'll accept me for me, and not judge me. And if they're not true friends, they're not even worth worrying myself about. Right? So, the question still remains. To go or not to go? I really do want to meet up with everyone, especially since I'm leaving soon, and the homesickness I'm going to feel is already getting to me. I'm starting to miss people a whole lot, even though I'm still right here in Kuching. But a part of me is afraid of that awkward left-out feeling. Although another part of me feels like this is just my emo-ness speaking, and that I'll really enjoy myself like I usually do... do I?
