Silver willows, Tears from Persia

You know you've spent too much time on assignments when you sub-consciously press ctrl-S after every sentence you type. Another one of my numerous OCD's. The habit arose once upon a time in a land far far away, when I did 90% of a 3000 word essay, and my computer crashed. My hours of labour poofed. Into nothingness. And I sat there. For 10 whole minutes. Staring at the screen. Thinking "maybe if I looked long enough, it'll come back". That was, of course, during the dinosaur ages when Microsoft Word didn't have the auto save feature.

Details of my day follow. I don't normally blog about "what I did today" or "what happened to me today", unless it's of any significance. But since I blogged about them coming in the previous post, I thought it only appropriate.

So my day out with grandpa Jin, and uncles Choi, and Hyun, is now over. Sounds so paedo. But it's only 'cause they're all like... 26 or 28 or some age between that range (which, technically, leaves only 27). I'd forgotten how much fun we used to have. *sighs*. Bring me back to never never land where all we did was work and play, with no studying and no assignments of any sort! Oh, and Hyun passed me my leftover mail from never never land... in the form of... mummy chicken's Christmas card! Thank you, mummy chicken. I super love it, and I super love you (even if I did receive it 4.5 months after Christmas)! =D

So what exactly did we do the whole of today? Nothing. What was I so worried about,.. not having places to bring them. Pfft. We had coffee/tea/hot choc for 2 hours. We went to the park and picnicked and did silly things for 3 hours. We went back and sat at the bus stop for 1 hour. Bus came. Several goodbyes later, I got on the bus. End of story. They had to cut their trip short 'cause it takes 4 hours of driving to get to where they're gonna be working at for the next few months. And so ends my day. With promises of driving to Gold Coast together one day. (Yes! I finally found people willing to drive there! Heehee)

In response to questions about why I haven't yet found a guy I liked (that way) and why I'm not accepting... erm... "people" (names not disclosed to protect privacy), Choi said, in his exact words, "Why you always look so high at guys. Don't look so high. Look lower. You can see many." I think he was trying to tell me to lower my expectations, and I'll find someone easily. But it sounded so wrong. Lol. I promise I won't laugh at their English anymore. Just this once. =D I don't mean it in a bad way, though.

Story of my day.

I'm trying very hard to finish my assignments. Can you tell?

Maybe we can do this for the rest of our lives, Maybe we can live forever

I just received a phonecall from Jin. Greetings and normal chat aside, he suddenly said, "Do you know where I am? I'm in Gatton, with Choi, and Hyun. We are going to Toowoomba to meet you tomorrow. Is that ok? (his version of this was, of course, less fluent... Koreans being Koreans, and their english... not that I'm being mean or stereotyping, but all the Koreans I know who grew up in Korea all speak the same way. Not their fault, though.) ".

Okay, first of all, they want to visit me tomorrow, and they tell me the NIGHT before they come. Second of all, he said it so matter-of-factly, like I'm just sitting here waiting for them to come. -.- I HAVE ASSIGNMENTS YOU KNOW. At least he asked whether it was okay. But then again, they've already decided they're coming. And this is the only time they have, 'cause they're starting work on another farm (yes, they're working on farms because that's the only job their second working holiday visa entitles them to do, HAHAHA, so mean =D) next week so it'll be quite a while before they have time to come visit me again.

So, me being me, said "yeah that's okay. Come!". All the while kicking myself in the rear end because my avalanching pile of assignments is starting to look really daunting. It's not that I don't want to see them, 'cause I do. I miss them a lot. I really do. But, talk about wonderful timing.

Fear of assignments aside, I'm actually really excited! It's not every day good friends actually take the time to come to Toowoomba just to visit me... three of them at that. =D

But........... where in Toowoomba can I possibly bring them??? I haven't actually been around that much, apart from going grocery-shopping and to people's houses. Not to mention, I don't even have a car. *Gak* I'm gonna be the most wonderfulest-est tour guide ever. *panics*

And the moral of the story is, For everyone there's a love that fits

"You know how, when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be; white dress, prince charming, who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming; they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up. One day, you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely 'cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope... of faith... that one day, they will open their eyes, and it will come true. - Meredith Grey"

Grey's Anatomy prologues are SO me. Haha.

So, how much have we actually grown? Would we really ever know? Probably not. I suppose there's still an inner child somewhere in all of us, and more prominent in some *ahem*, than in others. I like indulging in child-like innocent dreams every once in a while. Times when everything is simple and you're surrounded by pink fluffy clouds in the land of make believe. You can be anything you like, a princess, a dragon-slaying prince, a ninja, a superhero perhaps (HAHAHAHAHA, and just so you know, I don't actually really believe I have superpowers okay. I just like the idea of it =D).

And maybe, just maybe, the lines between reality and fairytale could cross ever so briefly.

I suppose it's much easier to believe that when you're young and ignorant. As you get older, you begin to realise that the world doesn't really work that way. That not every day is sunny and flowery. That not everyone's your friend, and especially not the animals. That you can't really sing and dance everywhere you go (Enchanted), even if you really want to. You begin to realise just how complicated the world and the human mind really is.

So what really keeps us going? That little bit of hope. That little bit of hope that we will someday find our way out of this tunnel. That one day, we will finally come to understand the workings of this world. That one day we will all get our happily-ever-after. At least, that's what I hope.

And for the time being, we can be contented with the present. With the little things we have right now. And the little people around us we can love and trust.

And because I feel like it, a little foot note on how my assignments are coming along. They are progressing. E.v.e.r.s.o.s.l.o.w.l.y. But progressing nonetheless.

We swam a sea of pretty sights and chandelier skies

The best dreams are the ones intertwined with sweet memories from before. Definitely sweeter than the chase dreams I used to have pretty frequently. But, haven't had them for a while now... since I posted about them here (thankfully!).

We were sitting in a coffee shop. All of us. The atmosphere was really serene. It felt so familiar. It felt like home. We were going around. Deciding what to order. And as I was coming back to sit down, having ordered char kueh tiaw... I woke up. *sighs* I was just about to taste that char kueh tiaw too!

But the pleasantness of the dream was not due to the char kueh tiaw I failed to taste, of course. It was because of the company of familiar "familial" people that I haven't had in a long time. The company of loved ones. The company of people I could always be myself with. Non-judgmental people who love me for me... who know me for me.

Insecurities, be gone!

"For just as stone by stone were laid,

With every hurt, and every pain,

So stone by stone the wall will break,

As love replaces every ache."

Such are the thoughts of a girl dying from overflowing mountains of cascading assignments. So why am I here still, fulfilling my mandatory emo post of the day/week (depending on how much emo inspiration I get over the week) ? Because assignments can just go to... that H place. Hehe.

Because these days aren't easy

Why

... do we feel the way we feel...

... do we dream the dreams we dream...

... do we do the things we do...

... do we think the way we think...

... is it so hard to understand people sometimes...

... does it sometimes seem like time whizzes pass as we stand idle...

... can't people ever be just contented and not want more?

I reckon humans, in general, are difficult to satisfy. Give them a town; they want the country. Give them the country; they want the world. Give them the world; they want the universe.

What matters most? "It's not the big things, but the little things, that can mean enough. - The Perfect Fan"

The pink elephants are trampling around in my head... oww

Maybe it can stop tomorrow, From stealing all my time

The interesting events which scared me to no end last night seem ridiculously funny now. It was quite the experience, and something I have no wish to go through again anytime soon. But thinking about it now, it really is somewhat comic, albeit scary (at that moment). Yet another to add to my never-ending list of "things I can laugh at myself about".

And what do I get when I talk about the amusing events of the night with my "best yumcha buddy" *puke*" (the only other person who shall know about this, apart from hiao miao, simply because he was online at a very convenient time, i.e. a time when I was still laughing at myself and felt like sharing my happiness with someone) ?

"You're a walking comedy okay, you can't help it. And I mean that in the best possible way. You know we love you and all the funny random things you do and say. The whole point of us always disturbing you is because you react in the funniest ways to things. I can imagine your face right this moment. Hahaha!"

Nice consolation, huh? -.- Maybe that's why I'm always so chipper and happy. A walking comedy, pfft! I should learn to be expressionless like mr. eng. Nyahahaha.

I had a chance encounter with a looney early this morning, too. I thought I was gonna die. 'Cause erm... that's what looneys do. Kill. I reckon. And 6am in the morning, when there's hardly anyone around, is hardly the time to be walking around meeting crazy people (Or he could've possibly just been drunk, I'm not sure). He was carrying an umbrella too. Could've killed me. But I very cleverly escaped death by hiding behind a stone wall (which also happens to be the big entrance to USQ) until the mumbling, umbrella-swinging guy had gone a fair distance away from me (He was on the opposite side of the road, by the way). Muahahaha, I marvel at my own genius.

And with this, I shall return to watching my pink elephants dancing circles around my head (because assignments tend to have that effect on me), having done my procrastinating task for the day.

My portion, deliverer, My shelter, strong tower

There really are angels here on Earth. In response to my frantic post about wanting to go to WYD '08 but worrying about money, someone (who requested not to be mentioned, because this someone is really that bighearted =) has very kindly offered to donate money to me so that I may go. At first I was deciding whether I should accept this generous offer or not. But you know what, if I was sent an angel, He meant for me to go. Thank you, my angel here on Earth (if you're even reading this)! You have no idea just how grateful I am right now. If only there was a way I could repay this person. *scratches head* Hmmm.

The other concern I had was about joining a group etc. But that problem is now also resolved thanks to Karen darling. And I actually also found several Toowoomba groups. But I guess I'm sticking to Karen darling's group, simply because she's Karen darling. Hehe.

So, there. I'm going to WYD '08. I can't believe it. I'm actually going! My once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. *grins like crazy* So as of now, my application form is processing. I love God, don't you?

The secret that I'm keeping, The moment that I'm reaching

Quick post (because I'm being very diligently distracted from my assignment).

In response to several queries as to who I was talking about in this post, I would like to make several things clear, without actually revealing who this person is. It is NOT someone in my family. Everyone in my family are lovely wonderful people, whom I will never ever talk about that way. It is NOT a close friend. Close friends are called close friends because they don't do silly, immature things like this.

It was merely an acquaintance who crosses paths with me every once in a while, which is all the more reason why she had no right to say what she said, 'cause she barely even knows me. But some people are happy that way. So be it. We still talk. We're still "friends". I'm not one to hold grudges. As long as she doesn't start making up stories again.

Now everyone, smile and hug each other, because that's what we do in my happy little world. teehee teehee.

Edit: Have I ever mentioned how much I hate assignments and exams? All this tedious work for what? For good grades. Good grades for what? For a degree and a good job. *grumble grumble*

Sob Stories

One sentence and one sentence only. Koreans are very good at falling-in-love-and-finding-out-one-of-them-has-a-fatal-sickness movies.

Their dramas, at least, have a variety of different themes (not that many either, but at least more variety than the sad depressing movies I've been watching). I mean, the whole "live every day as if it were your last. Enjoy while you're alive, so you won't regret in case something happens" theme is good. But the "I love you, but you're gonna die soon, and then I'm gonna be so heartbroken" theme? D.e.p.r.e.s.s.i.n.g.

The tears I've cried the past 2 days watching non-stop korean movies amount to the total volume of tears I've cried over the past 21 years. And yes, I do admit that I feel very easily when I watch movies (or watch other people, for that matter), and therefore, I also cry very easily when I watch movies. No one in high school or primary school has ever seen me cry (college, yes, because there was one person causing me massive amounts of pressure, so I was quite often on the verge during those few months, and I cry when I'm angry or in immense pain... but not quite when I'm sad. Me? Weird? Probably.) , and then one day, we were watching Lilo and Stitch, and all of a sudden, my reputation is gone. I shall not disclose who they were who were watching L and S with me. Oh well. Enough about my movie-time tears.

My friend once said to me, "All the good-looking Korean guys have become actors. That's why all the Koreans we meet are not good-looking." I reckon it's true. Why are the girls all so darn fair though?!

I need to start my assignments (see the 's'? Yes, more than one). Now.

So much for one sentence only, hehe

'Cause thinking of you makes me sad

I am sunburned and headache-ing. Not from going to the beach. Not from playing sports under the sun. But from waiting for the bus. -.- Now, I could have just stood up and found some shade until the bus came. But the old people next to me were having such an interesting conversation, I couldn't just leave. On my left, there was an old man and and old lady (who were the ones having the conversation... they didn't know each other by the way, just randomly started talking at the bus stop), and on my right, 2 cute old ladies sitting very quietly waiting for the bus. The old lady directly on my right kept looking over like she wanted to join the conversation, but didn't dare to. Old people are so cute!

The thing about this scenario is that, you would never EVER see this sort of situation in Kuching. The man was 80 (turning 81 in May, or so he said), and the lady was 71. And they were healthy. Extremely able. Out and about. Buying groceries... on their own. And they were talking about their kids and grandkids (who are MY age... plus minus a few years) and all that. Which was all perfectly normal.

And THEN, they started talking about their spouses who had passed away. And THAT was the part I almost ALmost sniffled and hugged them. The lady's husband passed away just last year. And the man's wife passed away 6 years earlier. Perfectly normal considering their age, I suppose. But the way they were talking made me feel such... sympathy?... for them. They were saying things like "Sure miss them, huh?" "It's hard to go on with life knowing they're not around anymore." "It's not easy to do the things we normally do without them around" "It's easier to go back to being single when you're young and in your 20's, but now when you're in your 70's." "I spent 47(for the man) / 51.5 (for the lady) years with that person, and suddenly he/she's not around anymore." You get the gist of it. It was so so sad. No one deserves to lose a loved one. Especially not one you've spent your whole life with.

But I guess, like what I said in this post, we learn to pick ourselves up every time we fall. In the same way, we learn to pick up our lives again after someone has left the world. And learn to work around the loneliness.

On to happier thoughts, this man and this lady here, are the most happening senior citizens (to flower up the term a bit) I have ever seen. At that age, they're going dancing and bowling and shopping. Like whoa, kickass grandparents. They keep themselves busy so as not to think about their lost loves (the lady had already lost 2 kids, and she herself was still alive and healthy O.O). I did say that Caucasians were more prone to cheat (I may just be stereotyping here, but it does seem like so), but you know, when they love, they really love. They really grow old together, and remain as loving as when their romance first started out. I mean, how many Asian grandparents do you see still walking around holding hands and whatnot?