Expectations and hope

Even though I'm having hols this week, I hardly feel like I'm having time off at all. In between having assignments to complete and worry about, series to catch up with, I feel the obligation to start meeting up with friends I haven't seen in aeons. I haven't yet got around to doing so, but I really have to, soooon... before my so-called hols are over anyway.

I realised a long time ago that I was the kinda girl who looks at life through rose-tinted glasses. The kind that would like to believe that this world is perfect. The kind that wouldn't believe anyone was capable of evil of any sort unless someone's throat was slit right in front of my eyes. The kind that trusts everyone she meets, and believes that everyone's intentions are pure and good...and end up trusting the wrong people. Much time has passed since I was that girl. Yet now, I'm still very much that same girl. Except instead of believing all that, I just wish all that.

I've always been overly-passionate about the direction the world is taking and that people should know better than to destroy the world we live in. So much so that I always get so frustrated at the way people are nowadays. There are more deceitful people in this world than there are trustworthy people. Lies, greed, deception, back-stabbing just for the fun of it, etc... all daily happenings that I have no control over, and that frustrates me. It's not that I wanna play God, because I know God is the only one who has control over all this. But it's frustrating to know that there are actually so many of these kinda people in this world. It's frustrating to know that there's really nothing we can do to help. Because we're each only one person. What good can one person do against a whole world of hypocrites.

I was the kind of person that expects this world to be perfect... who expects life to be perfect... But as impossible as I know it is for myself to be perfect because I know I'm far from perfection, I beat myself up mentally whenever I screw up something in my life. I over-stress myself to produce outstanding results, even though I'm a lazy ass who always falls asleep trying to study. And get overly disappointed when sometimes I don't get the "A" I wanted. I overload my time with activities, even though sometimes I get so tired and just need some rest. I am overly sensitive, even though I tell myself a million times over that it doesn't matter what other people think of me. And honestly sometimes I think it's just all in my head. I expect too much from life. I expect too much of myself. I'm horrible aren't I. =(

And yet today, after realising all that, I am still that girl. The one who feels that there is still hope yet for this world. That things may still turn out the way I want them to. That some people may realise how stupid they are for acting the way they do and doing the things they do. That maybe, one day, everyone will be happy with what they have and not wish for more. That, as cliche and corny as this sounds, there might one day be true peace in this world. After all, I do believe that as long as there is still hope in one person, there is hope for everyone else. But then again, maybe all this optimism isn't good for me, 'cause the pessimism is concentrated elsewhere. =S

Every once in a while, I get this sudden burst of hope that someone will, one day, save the world. Maybe I've been idolising superheroes (who are obviously fictional) for far too long. =)