I went..

and I'm happy. =) It's so amazing once you decide not to worry about those negative stupid pessimistic lil thoughts in your head, and just go out and be yourself. =) And I think I've found the cause for all that emo talk 2 posts before this: "And I feel like maybe I sub-consciously made myself feel this way so that I won't miss everyone too much". Because before the gathering, I made up my mind to not care so much about what I felt, and to just let down the barrier. It's been a really long time since I was actually fully myself around them, and it felt so good.

And, it also felt very very mega nostalgic. Suddenly, I was again back in the classroom two rooms away from the staff room. Suddenly, I was again clad in the white and blue outfit I knew so well for those 5 years of my life. Suddenly, I was again back there, two weeks before SPM, laughing and playing around in class like nothing mattered. I still remember those days before SPM, while most of the people in the other class were busy studying, WE were busy playing cards in class and listening to mp3's, walkmen, and what-not. We even had our own little "casino"... we broke into the once-upon-a-time storeroom joined to our classroom ('cause we were using the old KH bengkel), which was by then empty, and used it to play cards during breaks. Irony of it was that most of the senior prefects and prefects were from our class. *grin*

It felt really nice, yet nostalgic, to be there among my old friends, playing like how we used to... laughing like how we used to. I used to get annoyed at the whole jungle queen thing back when it was first started by Rod. But, over the years it's kinda grown onto me, like my identity among my old friends... so much so that I couldn't help laughing along with them when they did it all over again just now. (Tzy Wen, if you're reading this, your head already got chopped off 5-6 times tonight? =P) *sighs* I really miss them, a lot more than I actually thought possible. I'm really glad I went tonight, and I'm really glad I made myself feel stupid about ever thinking the way I thought.

Bottom line is, I think I've been trying to avoid getting too close to them because I'm afraid of parting with them again... afraid of saying goodbye to them once more... afraid of feeling the nostalgia and loneliness I felt about 1 year and 10(?) months ago. I'm already finding it really difficult to say bye to the wonderful friends I've made in college. Which is why my mind subconsciously tried to shut out my old friends, to avoid missing too many people too much.

But, as of now, I have a new resolution... to kill my subconscious and really catch up and spend whatever time I have left with my friends.. old and new! I miss my old friends a lot a lot.. and I'm gonna miss my college friends and new friends a lot a lot, so the only thing I CAN do is to spend as much time with them as possible before I leave. Who wants to make appointment now? heehee

*big huge smile* ^^

I've made up my mind that I will be as happy as I can be from now. I will not wallow in self-pity, or depression. I will not dwell on my problems, but rather, I will dwell on the things that make me happy. At every one time in our lives, we face good and bad things. And it's entirely up to us whether we want to worry about the bad things, or enjoy the good. And so in my whole listening-to-christmas-songs jiwang-ness, I've made up my mind that from now on, I will only focus on the things that make me happy. Problems are there to allow us to grow from trials and possibly mistakes made. How else to tackle a problem than to be happy and calm about it? =) I believe there's always a rainbow at the end of a storm.

"The greatest joy in life is giving"

I like the satisfaction I get when I've made someone happy.. the kind of satisfaction you get from just being there for someone, or making another person feel appreciated. The inspiration for this post: In order to bring happiness to others, we'll have to be happy ourselves. Being optimistic is a good remedy for illness. Rather than seeing all the negative sides of a situation, isn't it better to focus on the constructive points of it.

I've made up my mind to stop being sad about my leaving this place in 17 days time. Instead, I will enjoy whatever time I have left here to the fullest, and know that one day I will again be back home. =)

That's what I say now anyway... I'm pretty confident that I will be overly homesick once I get there. *sighs*... *think happy thoughts*

What should I do...

Peter Rabbit told me there's going to be a potluck on Christmas night, with a couple of my ex-classmates, and now I'm contemplating whether to go or not. I don't know... I've always had this insecurity around my ex-classmates... probably due to past hurts and things that I've seen done to my friends around me by people from my class. And this all led me to how I am today with them; very wary and afraid to trust them, even though it's been two years since we all left form 5. I know some of you (my ex-classmates) may be reading my blog right now, and I know things have probably changed since 2 years ago, but this is just how I feel.

This insecurity led me to put up a barrier around myself whenever I'm around them. I become very quiet, and anti-social when I'm around them, which as most of you probably know, is very un-Joce-like. I feel like every action, every word, is going to be judged. I feel like, I'm probably not wanted around them. I feel, in other words, not myself, and left out. And the irony of this is, these feelings only started after we left form 5... probably due to the distance from everyone else. And I feel like maybe I sub-consciously made myself feel this way so that I won't miss everyone too much, like all the nostalgia and "i miss my high sch classmates" feeling I felt throughout my whole first semester in college.

And because of this, I become afraid every time I'm asked to meet up with them. And the less I meet up with them, the more insecure and left out I feel, making me feel even more afraid when I do need to meet up with them. It's a vicious cycle. I really do miss them. But I just can't shake off this feeling of insecurity and wariness. (which is why, sel, I need you sooo. Because you usually are able to knock some sense into my head.)

I often tell myself to just forget it, to just break the barrier and be myself. After all, if they're true friends they'll accept me for me, and not judge me. And if they're not true friends, they're not even worth worrying myself about. Right?

So, the question still remains. To go or not to go? I really do want to meet up with everyone, especially since I'm leaving soon, and the homesickness I'm going to feel is already getting to me. I'm starting to miss people a whole lot, even though I'm still right here in Kuching. But a part of me is afraid of that awkward left-out feeling. Although another part of me feels like this is just my emo-ness speaking, and that I'll really enjoy myself like I usually do... do I?

pre-homesickness

I'm mentally preparing myself for the homesickness I'm gonna feel when I go to Aus next year. I feel like crying everytime I think about how much time I have left in Kuching. But, I'm stopping myself from crying. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, 'cause if I keep all the tears in now, I might burst at the airport. It's really no easy task leaving the only place I've known for the past 19+ years of my life. I know I'll probably cope fine there, despite being homesick and all. Humans were made to adapt to their surroundings and all that. But, I'm just so attached to kuching in all its boring glory. People tell me that after I've gone there, I won't wanna come back anymore, but Xiu has been in melbourne for about 3 years already, and she still feels like coming back all the time. I guess kuching will always be the only home in our hearts. People in kuching, please don't forget me after I leave... I want reasons to keep me wanting to come back home. =) Keeping this short 'cause I'm going out soon.

24 days and counting...

29 days...

That's all the time I have left in Kuching.. the one place I've known for the past 19 years or so. My mood now? =(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

And if you really love Christmas..

.. come on and let it show! I just watched Love Actually for the third time, and I'm still not sick of it. It's a wonderful wonderful movie.. full of love, Christmas love! =)

The lack of updates is due to overdose of every series imaginable for the past two weeks or so. In the course of 2 weeks, I've completed Grey's Anatomy Seasons 1 and 2 and 2 episodes from Season 3, Prison Break Season 1 and 10 episodes from Season 2, Gilmore Girls Season 3, What I Like About You Season 4, Bleach Episode 1-105, School Rumble 2, catching up with Smallville and Heroes episodes, and several movies. Wheeee. Not that I've been glued to my computer 24/7. But when I'm at home and not out, I start watching everything I'm addicted to =D.

Christmas is oh-so-near! It's my absolutely favouritest season, 'cause once every year, I feel like there is actually going to be much peace and love around the world. With all the things that's wrong with this world, every Christmas, I'ld actually believe that there is hope yet for this planet and its inhabitants. Come Christmas time, we are showered with movies and songs of love and kindness and peace, of angels and hope for a better tomorrow, of happiness and satisfaction, of Jesus and His birth, and how much love He had and has for us, of pure jingly (not jungly) bliss... the kind of movies that puts a smile on your face, and the kind of songs that make you want to sing along with all its jiwang-ness.

There are so many things wrong with the world today, I can't even begin to name them. From the bratty little kindergarten kids who have learnt to lie and steal at such a young age, to the bitchy backstabbings of two-faced teenage girls and boys, to the small crimes that happen daily on the streets, which lead to bigger crimes eventually, and all the way to the wars and fighting all around. Talk of the apocalypse and the end of the world has been going on since many years ago. And who's to blame for such rumours? If I were God, I'ld be terribly disappointed with what the world I created has become as well.

"Got a good look at the world lately? What happened to Christmas? Peace on earth? Goodwill to men? Let me tell u something, the spirit of Christmas is dead" - Santa Claus talking to Clark Kent in Smallville Season 5 (forgot what episode)

The spirit of Christmas really is dead in most hearts. To some people, Christmas is merely a celebration, a chance to have big feasts, get presents , and have fun. Most kids don't even know the true meaning of Christmas anymore. To them, it's all about Santa Claus and Christmas gifts. Christmas gifts were first introduced probably to encourage the spirit of giving and generosity, but over time, it became a symbol of greed... so much so that I've seen little kids throw tantrums when they don't receive any gifts, and some others who demand and wail aloud in shopping malls about what they would want as gifts.

To me, Christmas is truly about remembering how much Christ has done for us, and how much we should give to others. It's a time to remember that, instead of always receiving love, we should reach out and give love. It's a time to remember the satisfaction you get when you give and give unconditionally... the satisfaction 10 times or more the magnitude of only receiving. Think about the homeless and poor on the streets; the kids that crowd orphanages; the unwanted grandma's and grandpa's abandoned in old folks' homes; the less fortunate and "special" people, who more than anyone else needs to know that they are loved and accepted the way they are... those without families to provide them with the warmth and comfort everyone needs.

Once every year, I am disillusioned that there are people who actually care enough. And once every year, I pray so very hard that there is something I could do to help. We should have Christmas all year round. =)

Frodo: So what are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, and they're worth fighting for.

It's not funny anymore..

When I first found out that I was going to have 7/8 hours of class per day in Uni next year, the first thought that entered my head was, "Lodge all over again". Not to mention, I have 10 subjects for sem 1, 8 for sem 3, and another 8 for final sem. The semesters are such that sems 1, 3, and 5 are studying semesters, while sems 2 and 4 are for industrial training. But, I'm still trying to console myself on that point, telling myself "it will be fun, it will be fun" over and over again. I hear so many stories about how much fun people have in Uni. I seriously wonder how true that will be on my part. *sighs* I'm starting to wonder whether I'll have any time for leisurely activities outside of Uni. I sure hope so. Right now, I'm expecting the worse... and hoping that I'll be pleasantly surprised.

As if that wasn't enough, I just found out from their international marketing officer that I only have 3 weeks of holidays PER YEAR! Only 3 freaking weeks out of 52 weeks a year! This is freaking torture. I'm very miserable right now. How can they do this to me?! It's enough that I'm so reluctant to leave my home, my family, and my friends behind. My only consolation was knowing (or so I thought) that I would be able to come back for 2 months at least every end of year. But now, they're taking even that away from me. First, they take away all the leisure time that I'm supposed to be getting. Now, they're taking away my summer holidays too. =(

People keep telling me "If you really like the course, you'll have fun". That's not the point, you know... not the point at all. Sure, I'll have fun if I like the course. But, I'ld like a little time for my sports, reading, music, yada yada all other hobby-ish activities (yeah obviously I can't really think straight right now) too. And, most importantly, the point is that I was looking forward to coming back here for a longer period than 2-3 weeks! *sighs* The point is, I want to come back here... back to all this familiarity, back to all the people here, back to knowing all the little bits and pieces of news of home... I want to come back and just shut off my mind to everything over there, before I have to go back again. 2-3 weeks is hardly sufficient time for me to catch up with home.

Someone told me, "It's the course you chose, the uni you chose, and so it's the sacrifice you have to make". But does she actually have any idea how unprepared I am to leave all this behind? I'm sure I'll cope alright there, but home is still home. Nothing makes me feel more loved.. warm-and-fuzzy loved.. than home.

And now these people are freaking telling me that the minimum contract for industrial training is 6 freaking months, and that my hols are probably gonna be the first 2-3 weeks of january... only. I'm devastated, miserable, broken. It really isn't funny anymore.

I was a praying mantis

Because I haven't updated for more than a week, I feel obligated to do so. So, here's a little something to entertain myself. (Really now, whoever said this blog was to entertain you.) What better way to prove that this "quiz" is totally random than to press 'back' and 'submit' repeatedly.

You Were a Praying Mantis

You have the still power of a legendary warrior.You are able to manipulate time - or at least, the perception of it.

You Were a Fox

A good observer, you often watch others while remaining unseen.Cunning and courageous, you also have a gentle side.

You Were a Dog

You are an excellent companion and a loyal friend.A good protector, you smell trouble before it arrives.

You Were a Crow

Eternally wise, you have a deep understand of ethics.You guide people from the darkness to the light.

You Were a Spider

You tend to be the master weaver of fate - both for yourself and those you know.A creative force, you tend to work from divine inspiration.

You Were a Wolf

You have an instinctual intelligence that guides your life.Your family and "pack" is of primary importance, and you protect them.

You Were a Mouse

You quietly examine life's lessons and see multiple meanings in things.You are also good at discovering details and remaining in the background.

You Were an Eagle

You are able to rise above the details of life and see the big picture.A spiritual being, you tend to go beyond material concerns.

You Were a Cougar

You are a great leader who has dominance without ego.You are wickedly cunning and off the scale confident.

You Were a Deer

Graceful and gentle, you appreciate beauty and balance.A giving soul, you are able to sacrifice for the greater good.

You Were an Otter

You are a faithful friend who guides others toward success.You are also light hearted, and love to play around.

You Were An Owl

You are stealthy and secretive - no one knows the true you.You are a seeker of freedom, and you are comfortable with your dark side.

You Were a Peacock

You carry yourself with beauty, dignity, and confidence.You are able to see the past, present, and future with clarity.

You Were a Raccoon

You are a master of disguise and multiple personas.You are infinitely curious and question others without fear.

You Were a Horse

You can't be fenced in - you long to run free.You are good at overcoming obstacles and realizing your potential.

You Were a Cheetah

You are quick and elusive, with keen senses.You are able to have intense concentration for short periods of time.

You Were A Lion

You have a lethal combination of strength and energy.You have strong family ties, and close friends are like family to you.

You Were a Lizard

You are able to bounce back from adversity and regenerate what was lost.Facing your fears and controlling your dreams comes easily for you.

You Were a Rabbit

You are fast thinking and tend to live by your wits.Getting over fears is important to you, as is strengthening intuition.

You Were a Lynx

You are a great knower and keeper of secrets.A bit psychic, you can bring out hidden truths.

Wow, I seem to be some kinda shape-shifting animal with multiple personalities in the past huh. I think the programmers of that "quiz" were very free to put in a million different results. And I think someone else is very free to try and succeed in finding out what 20 out of a million of those results are.

Cheated

I was tricked into watching yet another horror movie! First "Mortuary", now "The Covenant". Will people please give my heart a rest? =( Although it wasn't as scary as most other horror flicks, and the ghost only appeared twice, of which I only glanced it the second time because I was very prepared, heehee. But, that's beside the point. The point is, I was tricked yet again! gah! Horror flicks like this isn't so bad. It's mostly shock and anticipation. Anticipation is almost as bad as actually seeing the things happen, because anticipation means you don't know what to expect. But the shock is only during the film thankfully. Horror flicks that have anything supernatural in a ghostly way, dead things, and disgustingly ugly deformed creatures are a big NO! Because you dwell on it and become very disturbed for days!

One good thing came out of watching The Covenant though: Cute guys and cool superpowers! (or better yet, cute guys with cool superpowers! =D)

Overall, the movie isn't that bad. It also isn't that good. I'ld probably give it a rating of 3/5. And that's being pretty generous 'cause they have cool to-die-for superpowers. *grin* The plot is so-so, the effects so-so, the ghost is horrible and ugly! I think the only attraction of this movie are the actors and actresses.. and not forgetting their ultra cool superpowers. heehee.

Steven Strait, the actor who acted as Caleb in Covenant. His oh-so-cute smile! (bimboness =D)

Caleb Danvers (Steven Strait)

Pogue Perry (Taylor Kitsch)

Reid Garwin (Toby Hemingway)

Tyler Sims (Chace Crawford)

Pogue, Reid, Tyler

Caleb and Sarah Wenham (Laura Ramsey)

And some eye-candy for the guys.. presenting Laura Ramsey:

So keleber..

I'm so smart sometimes I really amaze myself. I have been craving games for a very very long time now. My PS died many many years ago, and my BROTHER has an XBOX in AUSTRALIA, which is VERY FAR out of my reach, and I haven't seen it (and him) for 2 years! =( Don't even start talking about my useless pc that lags trying to run games like NFS:Underground, and has a freaking integrated sound and video card which takes up my pc space. I've been playing whatever old games thats run-able on my pc for the past 3(?) years now, and I've exhausted most of them.

SO, two nights ago, when I was suddenly craving Chrono Cross, FF tactics, and all the other PS games I used to play, I very very excitedly downloaded a PS emulator. You have no idea how excited I was. I was even already thinking of all the Chrono Cross scenes and songs I still remember while waiting for the emulator to install. After it was downloaded, installed, and all the tedious configuration over with, I very enthusiastically went in search of my old PS games......... only to find at the end of my rummage that my dad had GIVEN THEM AWAY (!!!!!!!!!) when the PS died those many years ago!!!! !@(#*&!@!*(@#&(*@! argh!!!

Bye bye chrono cross, hello heroes 3. The desperation to play something led me back to the old pc games stash, where I dug out Heroes 4 which doesn't work, the empty Diablo 2 cd pocket (because the cd's are with smelly monkey hery who is too busy studying now to remember to return me my cd's), GTA which doesn't work, and a whole lot of other games I'm too lazy to try..... guess what does work? Heroes 3. Guess what doesn't work? Heroes 3: Armageddon's Blade.. the expansion pack. Yes, I've been playing Heroes 3 for the past 2 days... it's sad and sleepifying, and sad. Someone up there is playing a funny game with me.

3 very random (absolutely random) facts about me: My birthday is in February. I want a PS2/PS3. I don't mind early presents. *big sepet-eyed grin* ><

Life is a Gift

Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

Today before you think of pointing a finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one maker. We all have our faults. No one is perfect.. some just more imprefect than others.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face. Think of all the little things in your life that you can be thankful for.

Life is a gift.

Disappointment

Seems like quite a few of my past friendships are fake and imaginary on my part. I can't deny that I'm disappointed in you guys... but if you're not gonna be true friends... I couldn't care less. People always say it's better to have one true friend than to have a lot of acquaintances. And I should probably thank you guys, because in knowing how disappointing you guys can be, makes me appreciate my true friends a lot more. So, thank u. *big smile at you guys* =) I believe that we should treat others like how we wish to be treated. So, be nice. =)

I've known all along what you guys were really like.. but I was trying to disillusion myself.. that you weren't as bad as people made you out to be. Guess I was wrong for cheating myself like that. But, enough is enough.. you've hurt my friend.. very badly. THAT's crossing the line. Enough spite enough cattiness.. hope the few of you had fun hurting people the way you did. Feel really good about yourselves now do you?

Ask yourselves this: If you were somebody else, would you be your own friend?

Lack of..

..human interaction is not a good thing. I'm sorry to anyone I've spoken to or chatted with for the past few days. I'm sorry for my very abrupt short weird replies when people message me in msn. I'm sorry for the "brb"'s and never actually coming back's. And I have this weird syndrome, whereby I cannot NOT reply people if they message me, even if I'm pretending to be "away".

My parents are having this week off, so considering this is a rare opportunity that everyone is home at the same time during the day, I decided to put off all plans this week and just stay home. And believe me, having nobody else but my parents to talk to is not a very good thing. It made me go into this little bubble. It made me sometimes a little under-patient with my mum, because having her yammering in my ears 24 hours a day compared to the 8 hours when shes working can make me like that. To avoid having to be rude to her, I put on my earphones and crank up the music and most of the time just pretend that I can hear her, which isn't exactly a lie... I CAN hear her, I just can't hear what she's saying. That way, I won't have to answer back if she says anything ridiculous, which she does very often. It kind of defeats the purpose of me staying home to be around my parents because most of the time, we're NOT around each other. I watch movies, read books, and sew (don't laugh.. yes i DO like needlework) most of the time inside the house, while they're out there gardening.

Back to the little bubble. I was so lacking of human interaction (my parents don't count because sometimes I feel like they're out-of-this-world... aliens) that I just built this little bubble and crawled inside, and didn't feel like talking to anyone or meeting anyone. Which explains the week-long "away" and "brb" status on msn. Soooooo I'm very sorry to anyone I've offended in any way for the past few days because I know I was giving some really short, cold replies to some of you. This may also be due to the every-month sickness of girls, so steer clear of me for the next few days. If you see me crying for no reason, don't ask... it's a monthly thing. =)

I finally had some form of human interaction today. Thank you cha-cha-cha class and all the lovely people in it! =D

McFly - You've Got A Friend

In conjunction with the previous post =)

When you're down and troubled

And you need a helping hand

And nothing, nothing is going right

Close your eyes and think of me

And soon I will be there

To brighten up even your darkest night

*CHORUS You just call out my name

And you know wherever I am

I'll come running to see you again

Winter, spring, summer, or fall

All you have to do is call

And I'll be there

You've got a friend

If the sky above you

Should turn dark and full of clouds

And that old north wind should begin to blow

Keep your head together

And call my name out loud

Soon I'll be knocking upon your door

CHORUS

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend

When people can be so cold

They'll hurt you and desert you

And take your soul if you let them

Oh yeah, but don't you let them

CHORUS x 3

Of friends and memories..

"Friends forever" we said, on the last day of kindergarten. Excitement to enter a new school no doubt, 'cause at that age, I still knew not of any fear of being in a new environment, but even back then, I already knew the sadness of leaving friends. And so, "friends forever" we said. Now, I don't even remember a single name from my kindergarten class.

"Friends forever" we said, each and every one of us, on my last day at Chinese primary school. Plenty of hugs filled my day, and there were some teary goodbyes. I was to start a new life in Lodge the next day, while my classmates remained where they were for at least another year or so. Friendships that were bonded since primary one were about to be severed and separated. I was afraid; afraid of going to what people usually termed the snob school; afraid of the kind of people I might meet there. And so, "friends forever" we said. Because of the kind of family background we came from (not-rich, average or below family backgrounds), having a handphone at the age of 10 was preposterous and unheard of, and we've never even heard of online chatting. No contact at all passed between me and my ex-classmates in chinese school for several years. A couple of times I met some of them on the streets, in town and so on, and it's come to a point where we are only "hi-smile-bye" acquaintances. Whatever happened to "friends forever"? Maybe it's because I didn't stay all the way till primary 6 in chinese school. My leaving was sort of abrupt.

Then came secondary school, and the last day of it.. more accurately, the last day of SPM came. Emotions running wild, teary last looks at the school we've spent so many years at (some others much more years there than me), promises to keep in touch and hang out for as long as we can before all of us go separate ways to all different colleges everywhere in the world. The days after SPM were very memorable indeed, just hanging out and having a long holiday from studies. Then came time for us to all split and go to college.. different colleges. Teary goodbyes, tight hugs, and multiple visits to the airport filled my Jan/Feb days. Some more promises that we will always keep in touch, and things will still be the same when they returned for holidays. How wrong was I. Things change... people change... situations change... friends change. I can safely say that I'm in constant touch with not more than half my ex-classmates. Whatever happened to the intimacy, carefree-ness, closeness we used to share? I guess it's true. People change. I still get nolstalgic sometimes, about high school and how much fun we used to have together.

Then came college, the one place I hated so much for the first week or two. I was so intimidated about the whole idea of going to class and seeing faces so unfamiliar to me... faces that I cannot put a personality to, words that come out of mouths of faces that I didn't know were sincere or not. My parents can tell you that my first week of college was hell for them. Because every day I would come home crying that I didn't want to attend classes the next day. It didn't help that I was the only girl in class on the first week because some others started late. I was surrounded by all these intimidating guys, who tried to be friendly but I was so scared I didn't let them get close. After the first week, things got better, but I still missed high school a lot. And then, I started seeing familiar faces around college, people I knew from other high schools, but familiar nonetheless. And after one semester, Intima happened. It was the best thing that happened to me during my college life. The friendships, the activities, the lessons it taught me. I owe a lot of my college life to Intima.

A year and 10 months from that first day of college, here I am, waiting for my Uni offer letter. After so many goodbyes in my life, THIS is going to be the hardest goodbye. This is going to be a goodbye, not only to my friends here, but a goodbye to my home... the only place I've known for the past 19 years. The friendships I've found in college are a few of the truest friendships I've ever had. The kind of friendship that you know will not falter despite the miles. I cannot handle saying goodbye to all my friends here. And I cannot handle going to a new place and environment without my familiar cream walls and well-worn bedsheets to come home to every day. The only things that will remind me of home when I'm overseas are pictures, memories, and my soft toys (I am NOT leaving wuffles and pink huggles mashmallow behind!). It's ironic how a couple of months ago, I couldn't wait to go somewhere else to explore, but now that it's pretty much settled that I'm leaving in January, I don't wanna leave, at all! And any thought of it makes me upset and teary.

To all of you who don't know it yet, I love you all very much! Each and every one of you! I'm in one of those emotional moods. And this time when I say friends forever (no matter how cliche this phrase actually is) I really want to keep it like that. I don't want to be the kind of friend who says bye and moves on. I don't want to be the kind of friend who promises to send emails and doesn't. I want to be the kind of friend who can still be the same when we meet again months or years from now. I want to be the kind of friend who you can still trust with all your secrets even though we're a million miles apart. I wanna be that friend.

Obsession

So, I typed in www.yahoo.com and pressed 'enter'. I was met with the yahoo homepage, same old same old. I clicked on "Mail", and just as I was about to be diverted from the page, a flash of long blonde hair at the bottom right near-corner of the page caught my eye. My first thought, "Elves!". I managed to sneak a glance before the page diverted only to find that it was a picture of Britney Spears. Disappointment indeed.

I'm officially obsessed with arrow-shooting pretty guys with long blonde hair. Would you believe that I watched The Two Towers again today? Because of the whole legion of elves that came to fight at the battle of Helms Deep. Why am I so obsessed with the elves? Because they shoot arrows with style =D. And also 'cause they look so clean-cut and decent and cool and mystical and good (as in the opposite-of-evil kind of good, and not that they look good) and good (as in they look good *grin*) and erm... clean. I love!

Did I not mention that I also have a LOTR screensaver now? And that there are elves such as Legolas, Arwen, and Haldir in the screensaver too? *big huge wide happy grin*

Archers

There's something about guys with bows and arrows that make them so suave and cool. I suddenly realised that I have a thing for archers (well, a few of them anyway ;). I cannot get over their style and how absolutely cool they are!

9 hours of my day today went to watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy.. 9 hours straight non-stop (apart from toilet and snack-fetching breaks).. while other people were busy Raya visiting and getting high on rendang. Legolas so rocks my world (well, same goes for the other elves but they weren't featured as much)!!!!!!! Take note, I like Legolas because of his style, and NOT because he's Orlando Bloom and he's blonde and pretty. If those elves really existed, I'ld marry one right now! I wanna learn how to shoot arrows and move like them, and talk like them, and fight like them, and be like them!

But, they don't exist, so I'll settle for finding myself an Oliver Queen/Green Arrow instead. ;) I watched smallville's "arrow" episode yesterday, and OMG I could swear that he is the cutest coolest absolutely fantasticest archer that ever happened to smallville ('cause he's the only archer who ever appeared in smallville =P). I knew he was a good guy! A guy with that face could NOT be bad. heeheehee. He's the best thing that happened to smallville (after jason teague of course). I know he looks very typical and all that, but I so love him because he's an archer! A very cool suave archer! Who is like "a modern robin hood" (smallville quote)! Who also happens to be cute!

Ok, enough digression on this subject, but I just think men with bows and arrows and style are so hot. I cannot help but give way to bimbo-ness when it comes to hot archers. =D Did I mention that I think Robin Hood and Cupid are very hot too? 'Cause they're archers and they spread archery love! *bimbo giggle*

temporary bimbo fits due to overdose of LOTR elves. teehee teehee.

Help!

..and Lucy reads to Sam, " 'How can we be so different and feel so much alike?', and the other one says, 'And how can we feel so different and be so much alike?' "

I'm miserable.. 'cause I took too long a nap this afternoon (3 hrs approximately) and now I'm wide awake, when I thought for once that I would sleep early. I'm so awake..so wide-eyed, in-no-danger-of-a-yawn-anytime-soon awake..when I had absolutely no intention to be at this time. I thought swimming would've worn me out enough to get me to bed early today! Guess i was wrong..=( People get cranky when they are woken up from sleep.. I get cranky when I want to sleep early for once but I can't! =( I'm gonna bite and throw cheese at the next person that talks to me. But I'm only saying that 'cause nobody would be in any danger of any sort. Both my parents are asleep, and there's noone else in the house. This sucks.. is this what insomnia feels like? .............

I feel the sudden urge to cha-cha-cha. But it's no fun to cha-cha-cha alone... and my parents would probably not take very kindly to waking up in the middle of the night to find their daughter dancing alone with an imaginary partner. okay, FREAKIness..

*think happy thoughts.. think happy pink-fluffy-clouds, bunny-rabbits-hopping-around happy thoughts*

So many year so many days..

Remember the dance and KL trip I miss so much? I uploaded the video on youtube a while ago, and forgot that I didn't put it here, so here it is! The quality isn't so good after I uploaded it to youtube though. =(

I'm a happy person! heeheehee

You Are 80% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

What does Joce do when she's bored? This! =D

It's coming.. it's coming!

Christmas is coming! Christmas is near! I've been in the christmas mood since... last christmas! I so love this season.. like every once a year I feel that the world is actually so full of peace, joy and love. And then as christmas ends, reality hits me in the face again =(. I love the Christmas atmosphere.. so full of peace and love and joy (repetition yeah whatever =P).. all those sappy warming shows they show on tv.. everywhere I go I hear christmas carols blasting.. I can almost imagine that it's snowing (except usually it's raining in Kuching around Christmas time)

When Christmas comes, I'm covered by this illusion of a world where neighbours greet each other with a happy "Hi!" and big ear-to-ear smiles, and not grunt at you and walk away; where beggars and the other less fortunate people are given love, food, shelter.. that's all they're asking for; where there's only good in this world; where everyone walks in the footsteps of God and live truly virtuous lives; where everyone is happy with what they have, and never greed for more; where there is peace and love all around. When Christmas comes, I live in a dream... a very sweet dream. But, reality is harsh.

I wish we had Christmas all year round. Stop the fighting, stop the wars. Just love.

Please..

will you guys stop getting on my case? I've made up my mind, I'm going to do hotel and resort management. I will never become a doctor or lawyer or anything else you guys expect me to be. You guys think that just because I've had good results all my life, that I should pursue something more challenging and all. But, even my career guidance counsellor told me that being smart (although I really don't think that I'm smart.. but other people seem to be under the impression that I am.. 0.O) doesn't determine my future.. when it comes to work, it's all down to personality. And I know for a fact that I'm not the type of person who can sit down at my desk and do the same thing every single day. I need variety, and I need people interaction. I'm a highly hyperactive person when it comes to work (but a highly lazy person otherwise ;). That fact alone already cuts out a lot of courses from my list.

So, I'm going to ignore the next person that tells me I shouldn't be doing hotel and resort management 'cause I'm perfectly capable of pursuing something like medicine (I'm so not interested in medicine.. long years.. high stress.. do you guys not know how lazy a person I am??). The next time any of you wanna make a comment about it not being the right course for me, keep this in mind.. something Sim said to me a couple of days ago: "Sometimes I think it's better that smart people take these kinda courses.. then you won't have any competition." (yeah, for once I actually listen to Sim.. heeheehee).. and what hiao miao said: "As long as you're interested, who are they to go against it.. it's UR future.. not theirs. You've already made up your mind." Jon: "I'll support you no matter what you take la.. don't care bout what others say. I know they think just because you're smart but then this course isn't exactly for stupid people one okay. It's not easy. Don't worry, ur friends will sure support you.. haha." (always the supportive friend.. love u to bits! =)

I'm interested in that course because it covers not only theory aspects, but practical as well. And being the hyperactive person that I am, I would rather not just sit in classes everyday listening to lecturers. I think it's an interesting course, and it also offers a wide range of jobs in the future. Considering I don't even know what I wanna work as next time, I think it's a good choice. AND, it's not as easy as you guys think it is. I've seen the course structure.. and it looks pretty challenging to me. Do you honestly think it's easy to manage hotels.. or manage ANYTHING for that matter? According to what I've seen on the website.. I have like 8-10 subjects per semester and 7-8 hours of classes a day. Now who's telling me that this isn't a tough course huh?

And for those people telling me "but then next time you'll have to start from the bottom of the hotel". Who starts from the top I ask you first? Like if I study medicine, I'm gonna start out as a fresh face as well, and it would require a lot of hard work to build a good reputation and become a famous sought-after doctor/surgeon etc. Same goes for any other course. Any job you take you'll also have to start from the bottom and climb to the top! Unless you're the manager's son/daughter/spouse/lover etc. then that would be a different story altogether.

I admit, I've never even thought about this course till a couple of days ago. But, my mind is set now, and my application is under way. So please stop trying to talk me into taking other more challenging courses, because... refer to what sim and hiao miao and jon said above. If you thought this was the most random course I picked.. think again. Wanna know what else I was interested in? astronomy, archaeology, forensics, zoology, sports science, interior designer, maths/english (despite having no intention at all of becoming a teacher), meteorology... yeah you get the point.. and that's not even half of the list. ;)

Is everybody going crazy

The world as it is today: the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, materialistic people litter the streets, forever fighting for a better life.. never satisfied with what they have, corruption, fight for power and acknowledgement. Greed, power, money, evil. What do those 4 things have in common? everything. Greed for power and money results in many of the evil things that go on in people's heads. Is the world slowly killing itself? Is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society

when everywhere I look I see

Young girls dying to be on tv

Won't stop till they've reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery

Photoshopped pictures in magazines

Telling them how they should be

It doesn't make sense to me

CHORUS: Is everybody going crazy?

Is anybody gonna save me?

Can anybody tell me what's going on?

Tell me what's going on

If you open your eyes

You'll see that something is wrong.

I guess things are not how they used to be

There's no more normal families

Parents act like enemies

Making kids feel like it's World War 3

No one cares, no one's there

I guess we're all just too damn busy

And money's our first priority

It doesn't make sense to me.

CHORUS

Is everybody going crazy?

Is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society

When everywhere I look I see

Rich guys driving big SUV's

While kids are starving in the streets

No one cares, no one likes to share

I guess life's unfair

CHORUS x2

I'm out of inspiration to blog. I'm trying to form sentences but the words just aren't coming out right. Too much to think about, too much to worry. Tell me what's wrong with society...

Moments..

That's the name of the lodge school magazine now, thanks to mr. lee's efforts in trying to turn it into another st. jo magazine. Our school magazine didn't used to have a name.. not until the year after I left anyway (last year). The school mag covers these two years also resemble st. jo's in 2004.. my last year in lodge. And, the school mag is also a lot more canggih than it used to be. damn them! My year's school mag page was like crap! hrmf!

Funny how after we leave lodge and we're no longer a part of their events, the school magazine doesn't interest us as much as it used to. I remember when we were still in high school, the anticipation we felt everytime it neared october or november, 'cause the school magazine would be out around this time. And the excitement when someone in class gets their copy, and everyone crowds around to see it. I remember all the fun we had filling in our pages last time; before it was called "moments", each class was given about 2 pages of the school magazine to fill up, and we were allowed to put in whatever we wanted on those 2 pages, as long as our class photo was on the first page. Now, they no longer have that opportunity since its so canggih-fied, they have to cut down the number of pages to save cost. muahahahaha! But then again, now they get a lot of coloured pages. Ours used to be just black and white, unless we were willing to pay for a coloured page for our own class.

I remember how we used to flip through the magazine for hours, looking at every single detail, finding anything that was relevant to us.. and finding pictures of ourselves. lol. I remember all the excitement.. going around requesting for "autographs", either on the autograph page allocated, on our own class page, or on the class photo that we could order to keep. I remember the searching for our names and faces in various clubs.. and possibly searching for our own essays to read (if we had won any competitions). I remember the scanning through of all the events reviewed in the magazine, hoping to find something funny to laugh at.. either in the pictures or in the review.. finding people we knew, our friends, acquaintances, and teachers. The school magazine used to be such a big deal to me.

I just finished flipping through this year's "moments". Yes, literally just flipping through. I am no longer bothered to look at everything. It doesn't concern me anymore. High school seems so far away. New faces met me as I looked through the class and club pictures. The number of familiar faces are decreasing year by year. The little kids I used to know look so.. grown up now.. so un-little. The high school I used to know seems but a mere memory now. Is this what it feels like to grow up?

Clark Kent's Wardrobe

Yeah so okay I'm still on the smallville obsession. hehe.

Can they not make Clark Kent in Smallville's wardrobe so typically superman? He's supposed to be just a normal (maybe not-so-normal) farmboy. His choice of clothes, I noticed, or rather, his choice of clothes colours is always red or blue. Sometimes other colours would appear, yes, but it's usually either red or blue... or both. I've seen his blue shirt + red jacket outfit about a gazillion times throughout the whole series. He also has combinations of red shirt + blue jacket.. brown jacket(wow no red or blue) + blue/red shirt... the red or/and blue is always there, in other words. bleh. How come he likes red or blue so much?? geee I wonder. I'm not annoyed or anything, it just seems so typical-superman to me. hehe. And also, I think Tom Welling would look good in other colours. I like variety. =P

I think Clark Kent never washes his blue shirt and red jacket. He always ALWAYS wears that outfit. Or maybe it's just his favourite clothes?

Why do we have to say goodbye.. to anyone at all..

That was midget's personal msg in msn a couple of weeks back. And I agree. Why do we have to say goodbye? I think goodbye is the saddest word ever invented. I think midget meant saying goodbye to people flying off to far-off countries and people separating and all that. What about.. the final goodbye.. the goodbye we say to people who leave this world. I think THAT is the saddest goodbye.

Why do people have to die? why do we ever have to say that final goodbye to the people we love? why why why? I know it's not a good thing, but I've always wondered what life would be like if anyone really close to me passed away.. especially my family. How will I go on? How can I continue to live each day knowing that person is no longer around? How can I ever look at the picture of that person without getting teary and feeling the sadness all over again? I doubt very much that I can handle that kinda grief. I know of some people who have gone through it before, and I admire their strength for having been able to move on. I know it takes time. But I cannot ever imagine getting over losing someone I love to death. I really hope it never has to happen to me, or anyone at all... an impossible dream.

This post was inspired by Smallville Season 5 Ep. 12 and 13. In saving Lana's life, Clark caused his own father's death. Because Jor-El warned him before that in exchange for his life, someone he loved will have to die. It was supposed to be Lana, but after seeking help from Jor-El, he was given the chance to relive the day Lana died, and change things. And so he did, despite Jor-El's warning that fate will still take its toll.. a warning which hinted that another person will die in her place. Needless to say, Clark blamed himself for his father's death and was very hard on himself. At the end of Ep. 13, Clark's mother was watching an old video of his dad and a young Clark on a tractor thing when Clark walked into the room and stood behind his mum, watching. omg that was so sad.... so very sad.

I don't ever wanna say goodbye.. to anyone at all. never ever ever...

Peter Gabriel - I grieve.. this song was playing at the end of Ep. 12.. download it!

Family

The 6-letter word that, according to Wikipedia, means a domestic group of people (or a number of domestic groups), typically affiliated by birth or marriage, or by comparable legal relationships — including domestic partnership, adoption, surname and (in some cases) ownership (as occurred in the Roman Empire). Although many people (including social scientists) have understood familial relationships in terms of "blood", many anthropologists have argued that one must understand the notion of "blood" metaphorically, and that many societies understand 'family' through other concepts rather than through genetics. (ok yeah I'm lazy I just copied and pasted that from wikipedia.com *grin*)

I just watched Amazing Race, the family edition, and honestly, however weird it may seem, I was touched by some of the families. The unity they showed, the care and concern for one another. Despite constant bickerings and accusations towards one another, they pull together and support each other when it comes to the challenges. (although a million dollars waiting at the end if they win might be motivating the unity =) I saw all sorts of "families"; ranging from the typical father-mother-children family, to a family of siblings, and there was even a family of a father-in-law and his three son-in-laws participating in this reality program.

To me, family relationships are really important. The parents who brought us into the world, the siblings who quarrel with us, the grandparents who care about us, the aunties uncles cousins etc etc. whom we meet many times in our lives (this if, of course, subjective.. depending on every individual's situation.. but just generally.) When things don't go your way, who supports you? Your family. When everyone else walks out on you, when you think you have noone else to turn to, who will always be there for you? Your family. Who will always love you and care for you no matter how imperfect you are? Yeap that's right, your family.

Many of us take our families for granted, myself included.. sometimes. I admit.. that I have all the patience in the world when I deal with everyone else, but sometimes I can be a bit impatient when it comes to my mum. I keep telling myself not to, and I've tried to just entertain her patiently. But sometimes, mums can really be that annoying.. she just keeps asking and asking and asking and never runs out of questions to ask me. But, I've been trying really hard to be patient with her, because I know she has sacrificed SO much for me over the past 19+ years of my life, and I know how much she loves me, and how much she's given to me. After all, I'm sure she had a lot of patience to put up with my many "why's" when I was a kid, and all the headaches I must've given her (I think I still DO give her headaches). I love my family so much, I really don't know what I would do without them. I think they've given me a lot more love than anyone else has given me.. they've given me sacrifices.. unseen things.. lessons.. taught me to be the person I am today.. and I am very very verY grateful for all that.

When I grow up (yerdeh! as if I'm not already pretty grown up =P), I'm gonna adopt kids. Because those kids at orphanages may never know what it's like to have a family. They may never know the love and support a family offers. They may miss out on this wonderful thing called family. Those kids deserve to know the love a family could give.. they deserve that more than anything else.

*I think Miss Teo will kick my ass if she reads this, becayse she used to say "if I see any kids in your essays, I'm gonna assume that you're talking about baby goats. they're called children.. CHILDREN!"*

I know a song.. and it goes like this:

Home, love, family

There was once a time

I must've had them too..

Home, love, family

I will never be complete until I find you

I like this song a lot. Journey to the Past by Aaliyah for the Disney cartoon "Anastasia". Such a sad story...

Some more goodbyes..

..to Moley Mrs. Hairy Hong Fing.. and Floorence Leang.. I know this is a kinda belated post, ahah.. due to the reason given in the post before this. Actually I'm still not in the mood to blog, but I must force myself to write this goodbye post at least before it really gets too belated. Goodbye to the both of you! One to UK and another to Russia.

This is me and moleymole with her "too-wide" smile. We were all supposed to do it with her but heehee, she did it alone in the end. =D I'm gonna miss you.. and watching you and hairy argue.. and providing us with free movies everytime.. hehe. I don't believe I'm saying this but.. I'm gonna miss people calling me jungle, now that you and chicken are no longer here, there's only midget left calling me jungle. It's different when you guys say it. If anyone else called me jungle I would slap them across the face. But among us, it's all a private joke thing. I'm gonna miss hanging out with you guys.. the whole lot of us, mainly me u chicken midget. Now, it's just gonna be me and midget.. and she's gonna look even more midgetted. lol. We must keep in touch!.. I have skype. Now, if only I could just get the mic to work. =D

This is me and floo, the girl who, with me, can drive our friend crazy within 5 minutes of our presence. I'm gonna miss you girl. Things never seem to change. We can still keep talking talking talking about everything. And naik gila... except I have better control than you. I don't mensiasoikan diri in public. wahaha! Hope you get your internet connection in Russia soon. And if you get an indian boyfriend there don't hesitate to tell me and show me pictures. ;) Bet you're crossing your fingers now hoping for a good chinese guy there, hehe. Hope you don't go crazy studying medicine there 'cause I still want to be able to talk talk talk RATIONALLY with you when we meet again. Make sure you get a headphone and mic when you get your connection okay! hehe.

I'm gonna miss you both much much!

And because sim reads my blog, I better add in this part too. heeheehee. Goodbye to Mond Mond Chua and Stupid Sim! They're both having the "time of their lives" in UK now.. especially Mond Mond who has the opportunity to be best friends with *a***** *i**.. oh ho ho ho. No pics were taken when esmond left because he was busy being sad with his girlfriend. This is Sim's sending off.. in full INTIMA patriotism. =D

click for larger image.. so many people to name.. lazy =P

And since everyone else had a picture, just for the sake of it, this is me and esmond's group (Group 3) during conference. Spot the mad scientist.

clockwise: linda, me, niha, jesvit (indon parttime model =O), vain boy, ronald, bhup/bob, mike, mond mond

Even though I don't show it much, I do miss the both of you too. =) But not as much as I miss my gal friends, 'cause that would be wrong, heeheehee! I miss all the times we spent together.. the whole gang.. the laughs the jokes the hard times and getting through them. Guess they'll always remain in our memories. All the best to both of you! And yes, keep in touch (because I need constant laughs from mond mond and I still wanna try to extort terry pratchett books from sim=D).

=D

I'm still alive =D Just not in the mood to blog lately. Because I've been stuck at home for the past almost one week, I'm getting so sick of everything. I'm getting sick of onlining, chatting, anything on my comp, watching tv, movies, even sleeping (yeah yeah miracle i'm even sick of sleeping.. hehe)! There's only so much I can do, spending 24 hours at home for nearly a week. All this because of my lousy m****s**n made car, which isn't even 2 years old yet (nearly but not yet), and the gearbox is already having problems. Gah! It's been in the workshop since last friday or saturday or something. And I haven't been able to drive myself around to get out of the house at least for a little while a day. I don't remember what the air outside my house smells like. I need to get out of this place.. at least for a while! Before I get sick of breathing too. Gah!

Exploits of chckn & jungle Ep. 1

This is a sequel to the exploits of hiao miao & buayak.

One not-so-fine, about-to-rain day, chckn and jungle went to town. Having absolutely no purpose in mind, they walked around aimlessly for a while. Having not very much money at hand, jungle tried very very hard to keep herself away from the multitudes of books she wanted to buy at the bookshop, and soft toys she would very much like to bring home, and about a million other things she wish she could afford =D. She wishes so much that some kind *ahem* generous *ahem* people *ahem* would buy her books *ahem* and soft huggable soft toys *ahem*. Anything electronic *ahem* would do too. heehee.

Just as they were about to leave, they stumbled upon some treasures.. huggable lil treasures. After purchase of said huggable lil treasures, here's what happened. Presenting the treasures...

chckn with schnuggles candy corn jiwang mashmallow xing xing wu jiao

jungle with pinky mashmallow huggles (i did not name it)

crazy..

silly..

Retards.. if u look closely, our shirts even match our stars.. this was NOT pre-planned.

Mr. blue doesn't look very happy..

There are other pictures (I think) that are probably too silly to post up. And the whole time we were taking these silly pictures, the guy in the car next to ours was staring at us. That car.. had a lodge sticker on it. If it's anybody who knows us, please keep in mind that this is not how most students from that school would turn out. At the end of the day, chckn and jungle went home, very happy and satisfied with their new treasures.

Moral of the story: If you have no money to buy anything else, find someone who would buy you a pink star.

Love is all you need..

I just watched "I am Sam" for the fifth time, and it still makes me teary and all.

I Am Sam is the compelling story of Sam Dawson (Sean Penn), a mentally-challenged father raising his daughter Lucy (Dakota Fanning) with the help of an extraordinary group of friends. He works at Starbucks and is obsessed with the Beatles, naming his daughter Lucy Diamond Dawson, after one of the Beatles' songs. As Lucy turns seven and begins to intellectually surpass her father, their close bond is threatened when their situation comes under the scrutiny of a social worker who wants Lucy placed in foster care. This began when her teacher started getting concerned about her; Lucy was intentionally holding herself back to avoid looking smarter than her father.

Faced with a seemingly unwinnable case, Sam vows to fight the legal system and forms an unlikely alliance with Rita Harrison (Michelle Pfeiffer), a high-powered, self-absorbed attorney who initially takes his case pro bona as a challenge from her colleagues. On the surface the two couldn’t be further apart, but in reality they are subtly similar. Sam’s compulsive nature mirrors Rita’s more socially acceptable obsessive-compulsive nature. Her manic need for perfection and success alienates her from her own son and has been slowly destroying her self-worth.

Together they struggle to convince the system that Sam deserves to get his daughter back and, in the process, fuse a bond that results in a unique testament to the power of unconditional love.. Sam teaches Rita that love is really all you need.

It's a really touching story, about the struggles of a mentally-handicapped man, fighting to get his daughter back. I Am Sam is a powerful, emotional film about love, parenthood and the bonds of family. Most importantly, I think it really shows us that what we "normal" people worry about and struggle for, are really quite superficial. Sam's friends were all mentally-handicapped, but they showed more love than I have ever seen in any other "normal" people. They were really supportive of each other, and stood by Sam through it all. They showed the meaning of true friends, and the love that true friends have for each other... that no matter what, they would still stand by each other, and be there for each other.

I cannot put into words how much this story touches my heart every time I watch it. It shows that mentally-handicapped people, who are untainted by greed, envy, and other forms of vices, are really more human than a lot of people out there. They have no evil intentions, no facades, no pretense,.. just pure human love.

If you have the time, you should watch this movie. Sam also likes reading Dr. Seuss's "green eggs and ham" because the words are simple for him to read, and he reads it to Lucy all the time.

I do so like them in a box.

I do so like them with a fox.

I do so like them in a house.

I do so like them with a mouse.

I do so like them here or there.

I do so like them anywhere.

I do so like green eggs and ham.

I do so like them, Sam-I-am!

The title of this movie, as you can see, was inspired by that book.

Sam, Lucy, and Sam's friends...a tribute to the Beatles.

Freedom where art thou?

Oh, my freedom, where have you gone?

After getting so used to driving myself around every day for the past 1-2 months, now I feel so detached from the world 'cause my car is sick. It was making funny noises when I came home yesterday, and my dad says there's something wrong with the belting (absolutely nothing to do with me okay =P). So, today or tomorrow it will be going to the hospital for a checkup, and I..... have lost my freedom. *sobz* Now I'm stuck at home, and I cannot drive out to anywhere I want. =( I suppose it IS good in a way. At least now, I wouldn't feel a jab in my heart everytime I look at the petrol gauge and see the meter needle slowly declining...'cause I wouldn't be looking at the petrol gauge at all! And no one has any reason to ask me to pick them up! muahahahahaha.. kidding.

I need to do something with all this time I'm spending off the road.

I'm going to...... read a book.

Goodbye.

I miss you..

Tan Hock Kwang and his team! hehe.. or rather.. I miss us!! =P I'm still missing dance a heck lot! and missing our trip to kl for the talentine nite.. and missing the very short time we spent there with the icm and icsj people.. and missing everything about that trip!! =( =( =(

Here are some screenshots of the dance since I haven't uploaded the video yet (and screenshots are hilarious 'cause you catch us doing funny poses.. heehee):

Pahlawan-pahlawan Puteri Santubong (The princess's warriors)

Puteri Santubong showing ketiak! how rude! =P

Pahlawans showing off their silat..

Puteri Santubong..

Puteri sejenjang!

I believe I can fly... with one wing?...

why is Puteri Santubong doing an egyptian dance? o.O

Puteri Santubong taking opportunity to make "i love u" sign to jazz in the crowd.. ahem ahem =P

me and hiao miao's few minutes of fame =P.. miao... miao...

hiao miao (front): me.. ju on! me (back): WHAT is she doing?!

hiao miao (right)'s ju on syndrome still kicking in..

beng: hip hip...hooray! (he looks so happy, so excited.. hehe)

Our dance position: me, beng, sly, mh, hiao miao (trying to pull my shirt down..too much exposed skin.. hehe)

what is sly doing? looks like she's posing for some olympic potrait =P

hiao miao looking at who? look until so distracted.. heehee

so very synchronised... their jumps! =P

wooh! mh totally camouflaged.. the power of lighting..

siao chabohs.. all 3 of us.. beng looks like he's peeping out from behind me.. wahaha..

stupid smoke spoiling the niceness of our kicks =(

miao miao-ing.. spoilt by the smoke again =(

break neck break neck!

and finally.. the ending pose! with ju on in front, ah beng pressing ju on down to make sure she doesn't move first.. mh and hiao miao opening out.. and me reaching out!