Of friends and memories..

"Friends forever" we said, on the last day of kindergarten. Excitement to enter a new school no doubt, 'cause at that age, I still knew not of any fear of being in a new environment, but even back then, I already knew the sadness of leaving friends. And so, "friends forever" we said. Now, I don't even remember a single name from my kindergarten class.

"Friends forever" we said, each and every one of us, on my last day at Chinese primary school. Plenty of hugs filled my day, and there were some teary goodbyes. I was to start a new life in Lodge the next day, while my classmates remained where they were for at least another year or so. Friendships that were bonded since primary one were about to be severed and separated. I was afraid; afraid of going to what people usually termed the snob school; afraid of the kind of people I might meet there. And so, "friends forever" we said. Because of the kind of family background we came from (not-rich, average or below family backgrounds), having a handphone at the age of 10 was preposterous and unheard of, and we've never even heard of online chatting. No contact at all passed between me and my ex-classmates in chinese school for several years. A couple of times I met some of them on the streets, in town and so on, and it's come to a point where we are only "hi-smile-bye" acquaintances. Whatever happened to "friends forever"? Maybe it's because I didn't stay all the way till primary 6 in chinese school. My leaving was sort of abrupt.

Then came secondary school, and the last day of it.. more accurately, the last day of SPM came. Emotions running wild, teary last looks at the school we've spent so many years at (some others much more years there than me), promises to keep in touch and hang out for as long as we can before all of us go separate ways to all different colleges everywhere in the world. The days after SPM were very memorable indeed, just hanging out and having a long holiday from studies. Then came time for us to all split and go to college.. different colleges. Teary goodbyes, tight hugs, and multiple visits to the airport filled my Jan/Feb days. Some more promises that we will always keep in touch, and things will still be the same when they returned for holidays. How wrong was I. Things change... people change... situations change... friends change. I can safely say that I'm in constant touch with not more than half my ex-classmates. Whatever happened to the intimacy, carefree-ness, closeness we used to share? I guess it's true. People change. I still get nolstalgic sometimes, about high school and how much fun we used to have together.

Then came college, the one place I hated so much for the first week or two. I was so intimidated about the whole idea of going to class and seeing faces so unfamiliar to me... faces that I cannot put a personality to, words that come out of mouths of faces that I didn't know were sincere or not. My parents can tell you that my first week of college was hell for them. Because every day I would come home crying that I didn't want to attend classes the next day. It didn't help that I was the only girl in class on the first week because some others started late. I was surrounded by all these intimidating guys, who tried to be friendly but I was so scared I didn't let them get close. After the first week, things got better, but I still missed high school a lot. And then, I started seeing familiar faces around college, people I knew from other high schools, but familiar nonetheless. And after one semester, Intima happened. It was the best thing that happened to me during my college life. The friendships, the activities, the lessons it taught me. I owe a lot of my college life to Intima.

A year and 10 months from that first day of college, here I am, waiting for my Uni offer letter. After so many goodbyes in my life, THIS is going to be the hardest goodbye. This is going to be a goodbye, not only to my friends here, but a goodbye to my home... the only place I've known for the past 19 years. The friendships I've found in college are a few of the truest friendships I've ever had. The kind of friendship that you know will not falter despite the miles. I cannot handle saying goodbye to all my friends here. And I cannot handle going to a new place and environment without my familiar cream walls and well-worn bedsheets to come home to every day. The only things that will remind me of home when I'm overseas are pictures, memories, and my soft toys (I am NOT leaving wuffles and pink huggles mashmallow behind!). It's ironic how a couple of months ago, I couldn't wait to go somewhere else to explore, but now that it's pretty much settled that I'm leaving in January, I don't wanna leave, at all! And any thought of it makes me upset and teary.

To all of you who don't know it yet, I love you all very much! Each and every one of you! I'm in one of those emotional moods. And this time when I say friends forever (no matter how cliche this phrase actually is) I really want to keep it like that. I don't want to be the kind of friend who says bye and moves on. I don't want to be the kind of friend who promises to send emails and doesn't. I want to be the kind of friend who can still be the same when we meet again months or years from now. I want to be the kind of friend who you can still trust with all your secrets even though we're a million miles apart. I wanna be that friend.