Life...

...is short...

The ex-librarian/teacher-in-charge of the activities' room is gone. She left this world this morning at about 11 plus. It was kind of expected, since she had been down with cancer in the hospital for quite some time now. Even the doctors had cautioned her family members to be prepared because her cancer was discovered too late. But, one can never be prepared for the loss of a loved one from this world. No matter how much warning we're given...no matter how hopeless circumstances may seem, we can never ever prepare ourselves enough for the death of a loved one. No matter what, we'll always have that little hope that they will recover; that a miracle will happen. No matter what, we'll always hold that little bit of hope in our hearts; praying that God won't take them away from us so soon.

The news about her departure shocked and saddened me a lot. Although I didn't know her that well, but I've met her on several occassions.. and she IS my mum's colleague after all. I even visited her at the hospital. She seemed like a really nice person.. and now I'll never have the chance to know her better.

I was really sad 'cause I started thinking about her close family and friends; about how they must be feeling right now. I imagined if it was someone that I was close to, how much I'ld cry.. how much I'ld start thinking back about all the things I've done with that person..... and then i thought of my grandma. Of how much I still miss her, even though she passed away 3 years ago. She was really the best grandma anyone could ever ask for.. she was so wonderful, not a single negative characteristic in her at all. She could've been a saint. I remember all the kind words she used to always have for me.. all the songs she sang to me.. all the times I spent with her.. the trips we went on together. I remember her funeral.. I remember how I had to control myself from crying 'cause I kept telling myself that that wouldn't be what she wanted. She wouldn't have wanted me to be sad. She would have wanted me to be strong. And I couldn't cry.. because I had to be there to support my mum. All my aunties were crying, all my uncles had their own families to support, my dad wasn't a very affectionate person.. so if I don't support my mum, who would? It was a terrible feeling.. stopping myself from crying that day. I remember crying for 3 days afterwards; every morning for 3 consecutive days after the funeral.. every morning when I woke up and remembered that she was really gone. I still miss her so so much.. knowing that I can never hear her stories again, that I will never hear her sing again, that I can never seek her for comfort again. The only place I can meet her now is when I dream at night.. and that only if she looks for me in my dreams. =)

I've noticed that most people don't appreciate the lives they have. Poor people will complain about their poverty, average people will complain that they're not rich, and rich people will complain about how busy their lives are earning money. There's almost always something to complain about...material things, studies, work etc. etc. We always want a better life. There will always be things we don't have and want, that others have but don't appreciate.

I've made it a point to be thankful everyday.. that I wake up to spend another day with my loved ones. That my health, compared to the millions in this world who suffer from HIV, cancer, malaria, etc., is fine. That I'm surrounded by friends and family who care about me.. and for whom I care about. That I'm able to walk, run, jump. That I have a roof over my head, and clothes to wear. That I do not go a day without eating, or drinking clean water. That I live in a peaceful, non-war torn country. That the air I breathe every day is fairly clean. If we just take some time to really think, there are actually hundreds of things in our lives that we can be grateful for.

"When I grow up, I'm going to dedicate my life to charity. I'm going to get rich and donate it all to charity. I want to help those poor people; those less fortunate than me; those that make me cry when i read their stories." - 12-yr-old joce to mum.

My dreams have not changed. I hope one day, I will be able to AND will be capable of making a difference in this world. And maybe if I dream and pray enough, that day might come. =)

Ok, fine, so I've been feeling a bit jiwang lately.. therefore resulting in lame-ass posts about saving the world and appreciating those around you.. but it's true. =P