Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I need help

Am I weak?? All the pent-up emotion of the past 4-5 months finally exploded. I feel like changing Uni (next year of course, I'll definitely complete this year 'cause it's been paid for already, meaning even if I change Uni, I'll probably be able to skip to 2nd year or 2nd semester or smth). Would that be the right thing to do? A small part of it is connected to the previous post, but only a small part. I feel so drained out. All the misery I've been feeling for the past few months just accumulated and erupted in a mass of tears I haven't cried for the past few months. Some of the reasons why I really feel like changing Uni right now: hours are way too long and I feel so drained everyday when I come back (constant assignments are no help... I know every Uni piles its students with assignments but, the long tiring hours are what makes it worse), I feel miserable going to school everyday because my class is filled with fake two-faced people (the one person whom I thought I could trust turned out to be the most fake one among them all), I don't see the point in going to uni every day and pretending to be happy with a bunch of people who judge you all the time (believe me, this isn't in my head)... I guess the people in my current Uni are a big part of why I feel like switching.

I feel so useless. Like I can't even handle situations like this. I'm gonna be facing this for the next 2 years of my life. Society is probably gonna be even tougher. I really do want to have a memorable Uni life, not one filled with misery. I really really don't know what to do. I so wanna change Uni, but I've been telling myself for the past few months, that I must stay strong and not let something like this ruin my future. I wanna change uni, but a small part of me wants to prove to myself that I can get through this. Am I weak? Am I useless? I feel like I am. For as long as I can remember, I've always loved going to school/college and being with friends whom I love. This is a new, foreign feeling. I need advise.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i shall be an irritating prick and start of with "advice, not advise" =D okay now i shall move on...i feel a bit OCD sometimes haha

i know it's a really tough time that u're going thru right now, but hang in there..

you're not weak, you just mustn't give up.

you know how when you're running a marathon, or climbing a a mountain, or just jungle-trekking (no pun intended), and you start out with lots of energy and enthusiasm in the beginning? as you near towards the end, your energy levels fall and your enthusiasm starts to get really sapped. and you start to feel like you just can't do it anymore, you just don't want to go on like this.

it is at that weakest moment that you mustn't give up.

for if you do, you will have wasted all the energy you'v expended earlier and you will not reach the finishing line.

running a full marathon, or climbing to the top of a mountain, or completing a whole trek, gives us a sense of achievement and a renewed confidence in our strengths. not a half-run marathon, not a half-climbed mountain, and not a half-completed trek. if you give up now, you will not get that sense of achievement nor that renewed boost in your confidence that you need.

so don't give up, don't turn away. if you do need a break, you've got holidays coming soon yes? take a break then and give it a good think. but don't give up on your course simply because uni life sucks. if your course sucks, then i understand, but not cos uni life sucks okay?

i'm just repeating what you already know deep down cos from where you are right now, everything's in a mess and that person u thought urself to be in the past isn't there with u n life as u used to know it isn't the same.

but don't get too hung up on looking for that person u used to be or that life u used to have. whether or not uni life sucks for u, u will walk away from uni a changed and different person.

Everyone tells us to stay the same, but i think to really follow that advice is a folly. You do not want to stay the same, you want to grow, you want to learn more, you want to move to greater heights. All that comes with sacrifice, so just pick your poison cos what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Life is gona happen anyway and nothing stays the same forever. Even this unhappiness will end.