4 months later...

I write: It's 6 a.m. here on Hamilton Island, about 4 months since that first letter. I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling because I'm not working today, but my roommate woke up early for work (she's a chef) and she's not very quiet (not very considerate either eh) so I got woken up and couldn't go back to sleep. Lying there listening to music and reading through all my old messages made me so nostalgic! I suddenly feel so horribly homesick and miss you guys so horribly much. It's horrible! You guys (whoever's reading this right now) are truly irreplaceable and I will give anything to have you all here right now. I know I promised to write and email as often as possible, but for the past 4 months, I've been working non-stop (7 days a week, day AND night) 'cause I'm trying to earn enough to pay for my own tuition fees next year. I'm only having a rest this week till Christmas 'cause they don't really need me to work extra these few weeks, so I'm finally getting a day off!

I feel like so much time has passed and I've grown up so much since I came here, even though it's only been 4 months +. I've had to learn to cope with inconsiderate roommates/housemates (I moved out of that house with the 5 girls who party and talk sex everyday. I'm now staying with a chef and I don't really meet her much anyway 'cause when I'm home, she's at work and when she's home, I'm at work, so I pretty much have the room to myself, muahaha). I've had to learn to be all on my own on a strange foreign island isolated from all forms of civilisation (okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating slightly =D).

I've learnt that in the working world, ass-kissing may get you higher faster, but the satisfaction you feel if you get there by your own efforts is everything. I've learnt that people don't necessarily have to understand each other completely to be the best of friends. What matters is what lies inside (90% of my group of friends are freakn' koreans, and half the time they don't even know what I'm saying, but in times of need, I can be sure that they'll be there for me. E.g. If I need dinner, they give me food, teehee teehee.). I've learnt that those bitches we see in movies really do exist (and sometimes they exist in the form of big ugly slimy spawns of all evil thingies and spurt goo at you). I've learnt that out of a hundred people at the workplace, the genuine ones constitute just 10% of that (the remaining 90% have 2 switches: the "turn on fake smile 'cause asian girl is smiling at me" switch, and the "stare blankly and maybe she'll stop smiling at me" switch. I do love freaking people out, heehee). I've learnt that just being me is enough.. that I AM enough (of course I am, whoever thought otherwise). But most of all, I've learnt that I really should go back to sleep now because no normal person wakes up and jiwangs at 6 a.m. on their first off day in 4 months ! -.-

*tick tock tick tock*

ONE hour later...

But because I can't sleep, I'm gonna continue, hehe. Christmas is drawing near, and everyone knows joce is always in a Christmas mood. Oh, the love. =D I have 3 Christmas parties coming up and I only have dresses for 2. Oh, the horror! (because it is absolutely forbidden to wear the same dress twice within 3 weeks) And I'm gonna get presents. Oh, the love! I miss carolling and I miss going to church on Christmas! Even all the way here, I won't be getting my white christmas. =( But, I've set about on a little project: making my own Christmas tree from scraps I find here and there. I promise pictures once it's done. And I promise pictures of the whole island experience etc. once my laptop's fixed! (if ever)

Speaking of fixes, I have a sleeping disorder I really need to fix. Gone are the days when I could sleep till 11am. I'm no longer capable of sleeping till any later than 7 a.m. I wake up at 6.30 a.m. on the dot every single day, regardless of what time I need to get to work. (some days I start at 8 and some days I start at 9.30)

ANYWAY, I think this is a reasonably long (and boring) 2 posts after a couple months of non-activity. If anyone wants to send me anything that will reach me before the 23rd of January 2008, this is my add: PO Box 37, Reef View Hotel Hsk, Hamilton Island, QLD, 4803, Australia. My location after that date is still undetermined.

4 months ago...

I wrote this letter that I meant to post, but there's too many people all over the world to post it to! So, I kept it and here I am, posting it digitally:

28/07/07 Because I just finished Harry Potter and have no intention of starting another book just yet, I thought "why not write a letter?" I know, genius right. I just firstly wanna say, I MISS YOU GUYS HORRIBLY! Yeah, I really love you guys that much.

My life here is... dead. My work days consist of waking up at 6.15 a.m. (just to avoid my housemates and other girls living around me... & to beat everyone else to the showers cos we share 2 showers among 12 girls... & to walk to my friend's place earlier etc etc..), showering, breakfasting bla, walk to fren's place, walk to work, work work work, walk home, think about what to eat for dinner, eat, sleep. Occassionally I go over to my frens' places, but they live so far away! (because I live in the staff accom that's the furthest away from everything else -_-).

At "home", all I do is hide in my room reading/wuliaoing (eg. writing letter that im never gonna send =), 'cause my laptop's still sick and I can't watch anything on it/play games. Why do I hide in my room? Let me tell you a little something about the people I live with. They are the "hi-fakesmile-continue talking among themselves ignore asian girl" kind of people. The only conversation they frequently have with me is "How's work?" -_-. Their nightly activities consist of 3 things:

1) blasting techno music at full volume till the wee hours of the morning, disregarding the fact that there's an asian girl in the house TRYING TO SLEEP so she can wake up at 6.15 a.m. to AVOID THEM

2) drowning themselves in alcohol either in the house, or out at the staff bar (although I prefer it when they're out, so at least I'll get the house to myself, if only for a few hours) & screaming at the top of their voices for no reason at all

3) talking about previous sex experiences & wanting to meet guys to have sex. Yes the walls are like cardboard. I can hear everything they say/so.

OR

all 3 at the same time!

Moving on to the wildlife. The animals here sure have a sense of humour. If you leave your room window open while you're at work, cockatoos will fly in, steal your food, shit all over the place, and fly off. Yep, there may be a wide expanse of forest just outside, but the best place to go to the loo is in your room. If you leave your room door open and forget to close the house front door when you go to the toilet, you can be sure to find a possum or two sitting on your bed waiting for you when you return. Often, when walking to work, you'll find some voluntary walking companions: kangaroos and wallabies. Believe me, I am not exaggerating.

Honestly, the island is actually a pretty nice place la. I've been to the beach twice. I've been to the highest peak on this island (very VERY nice view), I've been to the mainland to get groceries (because everything on the island is double-triple the prices of things mainland). It's a nice place but the people around me... suck. I miss having close friends/family around me. If I had the money, i would import all of you here right now. On a slightly happier note, I've already put in a request to change accommodations so hopefully the officers at Staff Accom have some compassion and move me soon!

-the end-

Seasons' Greetings

from Hamilton Island! omg!!! Anyway, a quick QUICK post saying that I MISS HOME and I MISS EVERYONE and I will be back blogging by the end of January 2008, heehee =D

Home

I'll be home for Christmas;

You can count on me.

Please have snow and mistletoe

And presents on the tree.

Christmas Eve will find me

Where the love-light gleams.

I'll be home for Christmas

If only in my dreams.

Literally, in my dreams. =(

Goodbye once more

I didn't cry. I'm so proud. Because I prohibited people from hugging me, but I'm still very proud. Hehe. Although the homesickness dug a big hole and rested right there on the way from Singapore to Sydney. But you know, "orang yang tabah seperti aku" don't cry on planes when I'm surrounded by strangers. =D I must say how much I HATE TRAVELLING ALONE. Gahs. Like noone helps me take care of my luggage when I wanna go to the toilet, noone to talk to and annoy when I have nothing to do, can't sleep 'cause if I sleep ppl might steal my luggage (yes, everybody wants to steal my luggage, *glares left* *glares right*), noone to share thoughts with on the plane.

Anyway whoever is reading this, I miss you! I shall not say anything more 'cause err... the floodgates are going to open if I continue, and "orang yang tabah seperti aku" don't cry in front of my mum's friend and her family. (Whoever doesn't already know, I'm stopping over in Adelaide for 2 days to get my stuff over to the island, the lonely remote island, *sobz*)

Mum called shortly after I arrived. Needless to say, I waterfall-ed. Damn, and all that effort not crying too. Ishhh. Teramat sangat emotional right now. Everyone, get your airtickets and come here! (Err, I mean go to Hamilton Island, not Adelaide... Hamilton Island has me, Adelaide has ntg except Clem, obviously, I'm more important! =D) Okay, I will not write anymore, 'cause "orang yang tabah seperti aku" etc. etc. I MISS EVERYONE!!!! =( I'm not just saying that, I really dooooo!)

Obviously I just wanted to type something here 'cause this is the only way I can get away from two annoying lil monkeys... by pretending I'm typing a very long important mail, muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Shutting up... now.

Leaving once more

Remember I said I don't feel as sad this time? It's starting to hit me now. 12 and a half hours till I say goodbye again. *sighs* I'm not ready.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. (no, I'm not)

I'm standing here outside your door

I hate to wake you up to say Goodbye

But the dawn is breaking it's early morn

The taxi's waiting he's blowin' his horn

Already I'm so lonesome I could die

CHORUS

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

Hold me like you'll never let me go

'cause I'm leaving on a Jet Plane

Don't know when I'll be back again

Oh babe I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down

So many times I've played around

I tell you now THAT they don't mean a thing

Everyplace I go I'll think of you

Every song I sing I'll sing for you

When I come back I'll bring your wedding ring

CHORUS

Now the time has come to leave you

One more time let me kiss you

Close your eyes I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come

When I won't have to leave alone

About the times I won't have to say...

CHORUS

This song has never sounded sadder to me than now. *sighs* So what awaits me on the other side? A foreign remote island with no internet connection (a damn expensive one I mean). make money make money make money.

time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain

Yes I do wish these small hours will still remain. I'm dreading the whole cry-at-airport-don't-wanna-leave-kch scene again. Blehs. Althought honestly I don't really feel as sad about leaving this time. Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. I'm trying to make myself think I'm not as sad, so I can convince myself not to cry at the airport (once was more than embarassing enough -_-). Officially less than 48 hours away from no-internet-for-6-months. *think happy thoughts* earn money earn money earn money.

Hug me!

Don't you just wanna cuddle him?? My original intention was to post a pic of Heart Kun sleeping. BUT THEN RIGHT, that pic is in my laptop, which, as of a few hours ago, refused to start up. *sighs* It's off to the shop with my laptop tomorrow. Thank goodness it's still on warranty. So what do I do when I'm bored and all my movies/anime/manga/series are on my laptop which refuses to work? Play 1 vs. 100 online. Guffaw all you want. That is the extent of my boredom.

One week...

That's all I have left in civilisation, before I move to Hamilton Island where I will be cleaning ppl's shit and where internet costs AU $2.50 for every 15 minutes. That's AU $10 for every hour. That's RM 30 for every hour. That's what I call robbery.

This is a fore-warning that my blog will remain inactive while I'm on the island, because obviously I cannot afford AU $2.50 for only 15 minutes of Internet, nor am I stupid enough to waste my salary for the sake of 15 minutes of Internet.

No internet for 6 months = no blogging for 6 months = no checking mails for 6 months = no chatting for 6 months = no connection to the outside world (apart from mobile phone) for 6 months = unupdated on series/animes/mangas/movies for 6 months = no hope of online gaming for 6 months = no life.

Heard from my friend that it's very difficult to get daily things there as well, except food maybe, and even that is limited. Wow. I'm sure I'm gonna love my life there. I don't regret applying for IP on Hamilton Island at all. -_-

On a more positive note, I will have nothing to do and so, will be able to focus all energy on... EARNING MONEY! muahahahahahahaha. That is, hoping that I don't get lazy. =D

No matter what you say I'm not afraid

So I know its been a hundred and one years since I've updated. I'VE BEEN BUSY! Doing what? Being home. =)

Nostalgia nostalgia nostalgia. As much as I love being home, Kuching is an oven, a freaking 180 degrees Celcius oven.

On a side note, I'm just dropping by for a few moments to type a short post to assure whoever reads this that I'm not 6 feet underground.

This is Heart Kun. He is cute. He is adorable. He has a heart-shaped pattern on his fur. That means he loves me because all things love me. He is going to be mine. With my *ahem* empath powers, I will transport him to me right here. Excuse me while I concentrate all my powers on Tokyo.

Freedom !!!

The lack of activity for the past week was due to ahem... studying. Yeah right. It was more of a guilty feeling that I shouldn't be relaxing as much as I was during exam time so I just erm... slept instead of coming online... and I tried very hard to read through my textbooks, I really did. It's just that I have this disorder where my eyes automatically close when I see a textbook... part of my pful^zzz syndrome maybe?

So it's freedom for a month!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Happiness. No more going to Uni, no more books (except storybooks of course), no more work, just fun fun fun! And packing -_-'''.

So who's up for a movie marathon of all the movies I have at home which I never got the chance to watch? Muahahaha. My excitement is beyong words, because I am beyong you and you are beyong me! Good day all!

keeping myself from typing anymore until the adrenaline calms down.

If you go down to the woods today

If you go down to the woods today

You're sure of a big surprise

If you go down to the woods today

You better believe your eyes

For every bear that ever there was

Will gather there for certain because

Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

Every teddy bear who's been good

Is sure of a treat today

There's lots of marvelous things to eat

And wonderful games to play

Beneath the trees, where nobody sees

They'll hide and seek as long as they please

'Cause that's the way the teddy bears have their picnic

Picnic time for teddy bears

The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today

Watch them, catch them unawares

And see them picnic on their holiday

See them gaily gad about

They love, to play and shout, they never have any cares

At six o'clock their mommies and daddies

Will take them home to bed

Because they're tired little teddy bears

If you go down in the woods today You better not go alone

It's lovely down in the woods today

But safer to stay at home

For every bear that ever there was

Will gather there together because

Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

So I just finished watching Open Season. It's supposed to be a kids' song, but it sounds kinda... sinister? creepy? Like the teddy bears are gonna turn around with gleaming red eyes, baring fangs and brandishing claws (you know, like knives) and come after you.....and eat you.....

...I'm gonna have nightmares tonight...

Random videos... because I can

Speed Monkey

Oh how I miss my rpg's...

Cloud's hair is ridiculously gravity-defying

Donkey rocks, haha

Flawless Victory

I forgot just how wonderful movie effects in 1995 were. Following a sudden urge to watch Mortal Kombat again (after 10+ years?), I realise just how bad the effects and fighting were. Totally spoils my whole "Mortal-Kombat-is-so-cool!" concept. But, the song still rocks... and Raiden rocks. =) Can't wait for the third movie next year!

Mods de Chocobo

I know I declared a 2-week hiatus. I also know that I cannot last 2 weeks without blogging. Not that I'm a blog addict. I just have news. =D

SOOOO, my big news is..... that......... I'm...............

GETTING MARRIED!

no, not really. Actually, the big news is that I'm moving to Melb next year. =) I'm switching course entirely and I'm moving to Melb after my IP (industry placement) this year. The reason I'm still going ahead with my IP is 'cause I wanna earn lots and lots of money to cover whatever expenses (including tuition fees) I've already spent this year, and possibly earn more so that I can cover some of my expenses for next year as well. So, the only thing I'm wasting is time. BUT, I'm still young (trying to console myself), and by the time I graduate, I will still be young (definitely much younger than when those future-surgeons/doctors graduate, heehee).

So to answer some of the questions that some of you have already asked/are going to ask:

What course am I taking? Bachelor of Commerce majoring in Accounting and possibly Actuarial Studies (depending on how crazy I am).

Which uni? Uni of Melb.

Why Uni of Melb? Because I can.

Why move to Melb? Because I can.

Why change course? Because I can.

So, basically, because I can lah!

Okay, seriously, I'm moving there because of certain family situations that I shall choose not to disclose because it will embarass one certain member of my family greatly. hehe. And my parents feel safer with me in Melb 'cause I have an aunt there, so I won't go missing for days without anyone realising. And I'm miserable in Adelaide (although this is only a very small tiny tiny part of it).

Reasons for course switch, in no particular order:

1) Financial situations, the fees where I'm studying at the current moment is ridiculous,

2)Possibility of scholarship so it will help problem no. 1, thus further lightening my dad's burden of having to support me and my useless brother (don't cut your wrist, I'm only kidding, you know I love you... as much as you love me! I know you do =D).

3)According to miss RX and my aunt, getting a PR in aus will be easier if I choose a course which is in demand, i.e. Bach of Commerce/Accounting etc.,

4)Better future/higher pay (so it will help problem no. 1), etc.

5)IF, and only IF, my results are good, I will be offered jobs at super canggih companies before I even graduate

6)More relaxing hours than what I have here now = can work part-time = can help with problem no.1

7)More holidays = can work = can help with problem no.1

Before any of you start with the "I-told-you-so's" (yes, I'm looking at all of you who told me I was wasting my potential/brains (what brains??) on hospitality course), I don't think that coming here was a mistake. It was more of... a learning experience. =) Learning to be in a place where I knew no one, learning to adapt... and most of all, I believe I did learn a lot during this one semester in this course. I do still like this course... or whatever I've learnt in the past semester anyway. And if not for a naggy feeling that I'm "wasting my potential" (yeah so you guys did get to me after all, *grumble grumble*), I would still continue with this course. So, I have no regrets whatsoever in making the "mistake" of coming here. At least I got a chance to bartend, and I was good at it too, ho ho ho. Okay, jokes aside, the most important lesson I learnt, I guess, is that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes, even big mistakes like this. No one's perfect. And, at least I get to earn back the money (and more) when I go for IP. Okay, I'm done defending my mistake. I will now brace myself for the "I-told-you-so's". Bring it on! =P

One very very bad thing that's come out of this decision is... I'm putting zero effort into my exams next week.. meaning even LESS effort than I normally put in.. if that's even possible =D

You used to laugh out loud but you can't remember when

I declare a brief 2 week hiatus starting today. Exam week looms, and I still haven't started. I really never learn from past kanchong-cannot-finish-studying-ness. The worst part of this is I have no study break. *sobz* The day I actually finish studying for any paper is the day the biggest miracle in this world happens.

Hurt

Shilly in the UK: You misunderstood me, I misunderstood you. But I still feel hurt... I'm trying to understand that you may have your own problems that you seem reluctant to share, causing you to say what you said in the email. I don't know anymore. There's too many things on my mind. Maybe I should just stop thinking and feeling. Maybe it's true what they say, we always hurt the people we love the most. Allowing myself to feel hurt over what you said is proof enough that I still care so much about our friendship. Although I doubt you will even read this... ?

To everyone else who doesn't know who I'm talking to and what I'm talking about, it's not a boyfriend/ex-boyfriend. In case anyone's *shoots bro a "look"* getting any funny ideas.

Excitement!

heeheehee, someone knows what it's about =D

To the person concerned: However excited and happy for you I am, I do think you should keep your guard up and be careful. Not everyone we think we can trust 100% can be trusted 100%. Not that I'm saying anything bad about that person. But yeah, I just feel you should. (Somehow, I feel like I'm trying to protect you, but why? Shouldn't it be the other way round? lol) Warnings aside, I'm still excited and happy... tearily happy. *grins*

Rest in peace

Just got off the phone with sly sly. I really feel very very sad for what happened. And I'm sure what I'm feeling is not even a tenth of what you're probably feeling. I have to say, I sure admire how strong you remain throughout all this. If it were me, I really don't know how I'ld handle it. There were so many things I wanted to say to you when I called, but erm... we ended up talking crap for one hour plus? Haha. I really wish I can be there right now, and crying with you (possibly... most probably... crying more than you, =p) I know that even though you sounded fine on the phone, you're not really that fine inside. I couldn't imagine ever losing my mum. So just believe and trust in the fact that she's in a happier place now, no longer suffering like what she's been suffering for the past few months, and finally free of pain. I'll keep praying for her, and you should too (I'm sure you will =). I guess this is what life is about. And, I'm very bad at expressing feelings over the phone, but if you ever need support (or if you just miss me too much =D), you know my number. =) (And I know you miss me, no need to deny, hehe)

John 14:1-4 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Your mum will be there waiting for you. =)

You better read this okay. I go all jiwang and sad just for your sake. You better read this! hehe

God must love me

A while ago, this arrived:

That, my friends, is my new toy. It may not be the latest canggih mp3 player, but it's an mp3 player nonetheless. That was the free gift I was supposed to redeem when I bought my printer previously, and it arrived... TODAY! wahahaha, yay-ness. And I just realised how outdated the songs on my laptop are. Doesn't matter. I have a new toy! =D =D =D =D =D

Those constellations look like you and I

Next week is... the first week of winter, yay right. Like wow, I'm so excited that I'm gonna be freezing my arse off from next week onwards. Like it hasn't been cold enough already. Hopefully Hamilton Island (where I'm going for Industry Placement) will be less cold and more tropical like it's supposed to be.

Coldness aside, I have exciting news! I have a new toy. So exciting! I'm the kinda person who, whenever receiving/buying something new, I get so excited I have to use it right away (or as soon as I possibly can)... like a kid getting candy... I'm exactly that.

Speaking of candy, I stole a whole bunch from Holiday Inn housekeeping trolley yesterday (first housekeeping training session). I have a feeling that over the course of the next few weeks when we are having our housekeeping training sessions, Holiday Inn's budget for candy is gonna increase quite a bit. *grins* Serves them right for making me clean their rooms even better than their own housekeepers do. I swear even THEY never pull out the tv and dust it all over. And the inspector like checks every single corner for dust. Gah! Guests are not gonna go around the room and slide their fingers over every surface and every corner to check for dust okay! Pah!

Anyway, back to the point... are you ready? Here's my new toy:

What is it you ask? It's a bookmark. Isn't it adorable???? lol, I can hear all the "cheh!"'s. I promise I will sober up after a few weeks. What can I say, I'm easily pleased. nyahahahahaha. But surely you guys can't deny that it's adorable! (And no, it's not NICI)

It takes a lot a LOT of self-control not to buy everything I see when I go window-shopping here, because everything is so cute/pretty/unique and so... un-Malaysian. When I grow up (okay fine, when I grow older), I want to open my own toy/book/stationery/pet shop. I can play with cute puppies all day long, when I get bored of them, I can go look at the multitudes of stationery I will have in my other shop and do some artsy stuff, when I get bored of that, I can read books/comics at my other shop, when I get sleepy from that, I can go hug all the soft toys in my other shop, and in my free time I will download movies/series to watch when I get bored of all the things in my shops. And every day, that is how I will pass my time. Who needs a husband when I have so many shops to make me happy? heeheehee. Or maybe I'll just find a husband who'll give me all those shops. So... anyone willing to buy me 4 shops? =D

Because I found it on shorty's blog, heehee

And because I'm, once again, procrastinating... will I ever learn? I wonder...

You Are a Pinky

You are fiercely independent, and possibly downright weird.A great communicator, you can get along with almost anyone.You are kind and sympathetic. You support all your friends - and love them for who they are. You get along well with: The Ring Finger Stay away from: The Thumb

http://www.blogthings.com/whatfingerareyouquiz/">What Finger Are You?

I'm a pinky! and I'm weird. -.- I'ld rather it be called... unique. =D

Shorty, we are complete opposites, lol, cool mang I'm like destined for marriage mang *cough cough*. I really need to stop putting off my studies and assignments. After I'm done watching csi of course. *grins*

Because I was tagged and have nothing to do in class..

Brace yourselves..

1) Name one person who made you smile last night. Mummy. Yes I'm still a lil girl at heart =)

2) What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? Saving the world.

3) What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Saving the world.

4) What was something that happened to you in 2006? I became an empath.

5) What is the last thing you said aloud? I want lobster!

6) How many different things did you drink today? Fino sherry, armantillo (did i even spell it right?) sherry, PX sherry, tawny port, vintage port (ok fine, so it was all in wine studies class and they all tasted disgusting), and water water water, oh... and blood (seriously I did, I bit myself)

7) What color is your hairbrush? Which one? *fans out collection of cute combs/hairbrushes*

8) What was the last thing you paid for? 500 pieces of white paper. Even superheroes have assignments to print.

9) Where were you last night? Out saving the world.

10) What color is your front door? Bright lime green. Of course, that's untrue.

11) Where do you keep your change? Where does a superhero keep her change?

12) What is the weather like today? Cold, Windy, Rainy, Freezing.. especially when you fly up high in the sky

13) What is the best ice cream flavor? Neh, that one. The one with lil marshmallow bits. The one they sell at Foodland. That one lah!

14) What is something you are excited about? Saving the world!

15) Do you want to cut your hair? Yes because I have to be able to see my archenemies to be able to eliminate them

16) Are you over the age of 25? Superheroes never reveal their true age. But no.

17) Do you talk a lot? HahaHAhaAHAHAHAHAhahahAHA, of course not, I'm so quiet, ask anyone, that's what they'll tell you. *big grin*

18) Do you watch The O.C.? I'm too busy saving the world.

19) Do you know anyone named Steven? Steven? of course not, what rubbish, such an uncommon name -.-

20) Do you make up your own words? Does the sun rise in the east? (does it?)

21) Are you typically a jealous person? Of course not. I have all the powers I need.

22) Name a friend whose name starts with the letter “A” Adam Strange

23) Name a friend whose name starts with the letter “K” Kitty Pryde

24) Who’s the 1st person on your received calls list? Hiro Nakamura

25) What did the last text message you received say? Save the cheerleader, save the world

26) Do you chew on your straws? Cows do.

27) Do you have curly hair? Maybe.

28) Where is the next place you’re going? Out to save the world.

29) Who is the rudest person in your life? Sylar

30) What is the last thing you ate? Vanilla Bavarois

31) Is marriage in your future? Even heroes get lonely sometimes

32) What is the best movie you’ve seen in the past two weeks? Ghost Rider. My friend.

33) Is there anyone you like right now? My loyal sidekick.

34) When was the last time you did the dishes? Like now. The powers of telepathy.

35) Are you currently depressed? Saving the world leaves no time for depression.

36) Did you cry today? refer to above

37) Why did you answer and post this? Donno how to read title issit?

38) Tag 5 people who would do this survey.

Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Logan (James Howlett), Henry McCoy, Kurt Wagner

You've come so far, don't throw it away

This is ridiculous, Smallville Grey's GilmoreGirls Heroes all ending at once! Now I have to mope around and wait for the new seasons to come out. =( What do I have left? CSI. And anime. Lots and lots of anime. ho ho ho.

Side note: Does anybody wanna offer me any information about technology (internet) and tourism/hospitality? Oral presentation's coming up and I have absolutely no no no idea what to present for 15 minutes. My brain is still in "relaxjustfinishedassignmentsdontwannathinkaboutanythingeventhoughexam'sthisfriday" mode.

Sort of thought you had the decency to change.

From now on, I'm gonna title my blogs the exact line from the exact song I'm listening to at the exact moment I'm typing the title. For one reason. And one reason only. I'm too lazy to think of titles.

I FINISHED THE TWO ASSIGNMENTS DUE THIS WEEK!!!!! One of them is due today. And another one was supposed to be due tomorrow, but the rest of the class (because I wasn't in class, I don't know exactly who asked for it) asked for an extension and it's now due on Friday. But because I've already finished it, I'm too lazy to go back and do proper research and make it better, even though both these assignments were done in such a big fat rush that 90% of the rubbish I put in there are probably made up. Because I'm full of crap. But my lecturers might not realise exactly how full of crap I am. At least that's what I'm hoping for anyway. =D

I probably shouldn't be relaxing just yet considering I have an exam this Friday, an oral presentation next Wednesday, annnnnddddddd, the Friday after next, I have one assignment due PLUS two exams. AND that's not the end of it, immediately the week after that week, I have a weekful of exams. Do I have time to relax? No. Do I have time to study? No. Will I flunk everything? Yes. Probably yes. *sobz*

But let me be happy for a few minutes okay.

BS indeed

I can come up with 400 words worth of crap on the "name of a dish" alone. It's amazing. I'm amazed at my own ability to produce such crap. Maybe that's why my assignments always end up over-shooting the word limit by way too much.

However, I really need to work on my time management (It's just a nicer way of saying... I procrastinate too much). I have two assignments due Monday. As of now, I have only done the introduction of one of my assignments, and I'm about 25% done with my other assignment. Both are 3000 word minimum assignments requiring lots and lots and lots of research (preferably inclusive of non-internet research... I usually just search for books online and add them in my reference list for the heck of it =D). And a half hour ago, I was sitting here watching Heroes, and a half hour before that, I was napping (I get very strangely sleepy everytime I try to proceed with my assignments).

Would anybody care to help me with my other assignment?

Mousse au Chocolat Amér a L'Orange

Sounds so fancy-schmancy right? It's just chocolate mousse with some orange bits. We made that today! Among other things of course, but then but then, I'm so excited about this! Why? Because this is the FIRST time I actually have the chance to take pics of one of the fancy-schmancy things we made in cuisine class! Usually cameras aren't allowed in the kitchen... for obvious reasons, but today 'cause we brought home our chocolate mousse the way we presented it (usually we can take home the food we cook, but obviously not presented beautifully on a plate like how we would serve it to customers. That's what we do in class, but we usually just dump everything in plastic containers after we show the lecturer), it still looks pretty!

Okay, fine, maybe not that appealing afterall in the picture. hehe. Reason no.1: I kinda flattened it and messed up the decoration on top when I wrapped it with the plastic wrapper to take home. Reason no.2: My RM200 (or less?) camera is not that great okay. Reason no.3: My very "clean and new" carpet isn't exactly the ideal background. Reason no.4: Erm... some (a lot) of the chocolate sprinkles, other decoration etc. are currently in my mouth. =D

But I'm writing this why? Because I'm excited I can finally take a picture of something I would serve customers! (Presentation is everything, yada yada yada) And also, I don't know what I'm gonna do with 8 (or was it 9?) cups of that in my fridge.

Side note: What is the electric whipper for if we have to use our hands to whip the cream and whisk the egg whites anyway? Ish... very tiring okay!

Happy 100th Anniversary

This is currently post no. 100 of my blog. To celebrate this wondrous occassion, I present to you, my favourite people (not all, but most... I think? =D) in my life:

the person I grew up fighting with =)

Ain't that cute? The bear I mean

The people I owe my whole life to my camwhore-in-car-because-we-donno-where-to-go buddy

Goodbye Kuching

Ichigo and his dancers =p

"family"

retards (above and below =D)

me and my cats

"family"

cacats

PC Fair and the friendships formed

floo, me, and mr blur =p

mummy.. i mean, chicken and me

and our stars

post-spm fun

couldn't resist the pic of the swollen cheeks (though they don't look swollen here, damn)

midget, jungle and (omg i forgot her nick, i'm horrible =S)

in Sejarah, Cikgu teaches us to...

jungle-chicken-moley-midget

on the day jungle-moley-midget "went home early" (skipped class)

Black dresscode was not pre-planned.

Dear ol' De Summit

we've pretty much taken pics at every corner of De Summit before =p jerxfl

Apologies to all who didn't camwhore/take pics with me/send me pics from your cameras and didn't get featured in this post (esp. bball gang because we don't typically take pics when playing bball). =) Above pics are not in any particular order of favourites, 'cause you're all favourites... I added them in the order the folders were named in my computer. Intima "family" too many pictures... I'm too lazy to go dig them all out =P.

Fruits Basket

This manga is too lovely, too too lovely. Even the anime, though short and messes up the manga a bit, is lovely. *sighs* But in reality, not everyone gets to have their happy ending. Wouldn't it be nice if we could though?

To Shorty =p

This was supposed to be a reply to your comment, but for some reason, I cannot access my own comment area, I think my internet is screwy here 'cause I'm using school pc, ishhh.. so here I go posting my reply to your comment =):

I would go online every day to chat with u and everyone else from back home to keep me sane... but my Uni time is impossible, and assignments too. haihz.

Until I have another meltdown like I had that day, I've already decided to go on. That was a one-time when I was lower-than-low decision.

And as you probably would have gathered from ALL my blogposts thus far since I came here, I don't consider ANY of my coursemates here friends. Seriously. Fine, maybe friends, but definitely not anywhere near good friends. They're just people I hang out with in Uni. That's as far as I even admit to any relationship with them. That's how bad it is. It's not that I expect a lot from them. All I want is for them to be more mature, I mean hello you're in Uni okay. If you don't know what they're like, refer to previous post. And I hope for sincerity... even a bit of sincerity would do. Like I mentioned in the previous post, on the outside I get along perfectly well with them. I laugh I play I whatever with them. But on the inside, I know what kinda people they are. So I couldn't really be bothered. The thing is, at least you still have friends there, which is good. I only have "friends" here. Because their friendship is about as true as you being tall (couldn't help it =p). There is one Taiwanese girl whom I'm okay with... as in she seems more sincere than all the rest, so hopefully I'm not deceived again.

The friend who disappointed me... she's a status climber, if you know what I mean. She's the kind who will leave you standing there alone if she sees another "more important" (eg. rich) or will-benefit-her-more person and start chatting away with them, disregarding your feelings. So, like I said, I don't consider any of them true or proper friends.

The whole breakdown was due to a whole lot of emotions already whirling around inside me, plus that disappointment in her and *boom* everything came rushing. But I'm a lot calmer now, and I can actually think clearly now. So, unless things get really bad (eg. they threaten my life), I'm gonna try to hang on and be strong, because I don't think God made me to give up so easily. At least I know that when I'm finished and gone through all this misery, at the end of the tunnel, I will have you guys... my family and my dearest friends (as corny as it sounds). =)

Being here has taught me a lot of things. It's especially taught me how much my family and friends from back home mean to me. I feel like all these years I've been taking all of you for granted, because I've never had anything bad to compare you guys to, to realise just how great all of you really are and how major a part you all play in my life. Coming here and having the coursemates that I have, it made me realise that I'm not always surrounded by people that I can trust and people that I love. And it makes me appreciate you guys so much more. Seriously everytime I think about all of you, I feel like giving everyone a big hug to show how grateful I am for all of you. Haha.

Will you by any chance be back in July? I just might be back in kuching then. =)

In answer to previous comments/chatbox about previous posts

I've written this in my chatbox but I'll just say it again. I've decided to go on, if only to prove to myself that I can get through this, and knowing that I have wonderful friends back home (and in the UK for that matter=) waiting for me, and a wonderful family supporting me.

Chicken: people who've just finished sobbing their eyes out can't really think properly, hence the advice/advise mistake. ish. I do get what you're trying to say but you don't fully understand the whole thing (which has nothing whatsoever to do with staying the same/person I used to be etc.), and I don't blame you for that because it's not explainable unless you're really in my position. AND also, I was talking about switching Uni's, not course. -_-''' I meant that I wanted to switch Unis, same course different Uni different people. Because after completing this year, I'll probably be able to get exemptions or skip semesters or bla if I move somewhere else. But I really appreciate it. I appreciate the adviCe all the way from UK, and knowing that there are still people out there who care enough to leave a word. Although we're both busy with everything Uni is throwing at us (me especially), I'm thankful for the strong friendship we still share (that's what I feel anyway... but maybe you don't care about me anymore and just felt obligated to say something, *sobz* =p)

Lyd: I know that there all these kinda people everywhere, but in a place where I have 80-90 coursemates, you would think that at least ONE of them are not like that, but alas, I'm still waiting for the day I find that person. At least in the comforts of Kch, I wouldn't even have to bother about them because I would know that I have a thousand other friends who are so much better than them. I've never ever EVER had the feeling that I should maybe try hard to fit in. By fitting in, I mean by acting silly all the time, laughing at people behind their backs, laughing at every little silly unfunny thing and not laughing when things ARE funny (because they don't blardy understand english well so only the angmohs and me laugh), being childish (eg: poking people and running away giggling), being the high school definition of bimbo etc. These are about the girls of course. I'm not kidding, they really are that bimbotic. The ones who are not so bimbotic are even more two-faced. So who else do I have left? Not that I bother with them much because to me, they're just people I go to Uni with, but at least when I'm in Uni, I'ld like to feel like I have someone I can rely on. But I always take comfort in knowing that you guys are back home waiting for me, and will always be there when I return... knowing that I can always ALWAYS rely on you guys... that means a lot to me. =)

Bro: Refer to above description about all my coursemates, and know why I cannot possibly find any new friends worth calling a friend. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm alone in Uni all the time. On the outside, people see me being happy and getting along very well with all my classmates. But on the inside, I know what kinda people they are and already know not to trust them too much. After 4 months of being with them, they haven't even seen 10% of the real me, the me that I am when I'm with you guys. That's why I was extra extra talkative when you were around few months ago because of all the unsaid words in Uni, and people who know me well would know how impossible it is for me to shut up sometimes (except when I'm sleeping). That outburst of emotion was due to uncried tears and pent-up emotion. All the months of missing home and missing dad and missing friends, all the stress from assignments and long hours in Uni (a life I thought I left behind when I left Lodge.. at least in Lodge I had friends I loved and ECA's to keep me happy), and then that one thing happened that made me upset (probably because I was very tired and emotionally down on that day already). And the thing that made me most upset was that she was being such a bitch because of my results. She wasn't outrightly being a bitch, but it's hard to explain. And it was very obvious that her mood and attitude towards me changed after every HD I got, which is just plain dumb... refer to later-mentioned fickle-minded people)

Jason (who left me a msg in friendster regarding that post, didn't even realised u knew my blog address, 'cause only selected people know of my blog, not that I'm saying you're not special enough, haha =) Side note: Lyd, not THAT jason so don't misunderstand, lol. I haven't been in contact with that jason for a while now, much to my relief =P. Anyway, jase, thank you so much for your message. Made me really thankful for the whole lot of you who are always so supportive. It's not that I'm letting just one person get to me like that because I'm not. That whole 'wanting to change uni' thing was due to a lot of reasons, but a lot of it is because of the PEOPLE I go to Uni with, not just one person. Plus the hours and workload are wearing me out. Maybe I've just always been under this illusion that Uni life is enjoyable and happy; all the fairytale images of Uni I've kept in my head for too long. But I do know that life is not always perfect, and challenges are thrown at us for a reason. Maybe God is showing me that I'm not wasting my time treasuring the friendship from you guys because compared to my coursemates, you guys are definitely a million times better, and I'm not exaggerating. Maybe God wants me to show myself that I'm strong enough to get through this.

Which is why I've decided to go on, to prove my own strength, to prove to myself that I'm not as weak as I think I am. The people around me affect me a lot. Much as I don't like to admit it, I am very affected by the way people are and I very often wonder whether they have any values at all. It often makes me feel like me being nice to everyone is foolish because it almost always ends up in me being taken advantage of. Maybe I should just become 'the freak who sits in the corner, never smiles and keeps to herself all the time', 'cause it might be better that way. I would have an excuse not to interact with all these stupid, fickle-minded, selfish, two-faced people, and not get disappointed because I never put any hope in them in the first place. There isn't even one single person in my whole entire course that I feel I have any hope of relying on. Every day is just another day on stage, where I act all happy and excited to see my classmates, and watch the hours tick by when I can once again return to the comfort of my "home" here. My recent truancies are very much due to this; the fact that I just wanna be home where it's safe and secure, where I'm protected from all these people. But I'm learning every day... learning to not care about them, and accept the fickle people they are, and know that I'm fortunate enough to have old friends who mean the world to me and a family who love me for me. I cannot imagine a life without any one of you (especially my family, sorry all who fall under the category of friends, blood is thicker than water, but you guys come close =).

This post has been very disorganised and I'm very sorry if much of this doesn't make sense because my mind isn't very organised right now. I'm sorry for the very poor english too, but it's not easy to think about french dishes, Spain, and write superb English at the same time.

I need help

Am I weak?? All the pent-up emotion of the past 4-5 months finally exploded. I feel like changing Uni (next year of course, I'll definitely complete this year 'cause it's been paid for already, meaning even if I change Uni, I'll probably be able to skip to 2nd year or 2nd semester or smth). Would that be the right thing to do? A small part of it is connected to the previous post, but only a small part. I feel so drained out. All the misery I've been feeling for the past few months just accumulated and erupted in a mass of tears I haven't cried for the past few months. Some of the reasons why I really feel like changing Uni right now: hours are way too long and I feel so drained everyday when I come back (constant assignments are no help... I know every Uni piles its students with assignments but, the long tiring hours are what makes it worse), I feel miserable going to school everyday because my class is filled with fake two-faced people (the one person whom I thought I could trust turned out to be the most fake one among them all), I don't see the point in going to uni every day and pretending to be happy with a bunch of people who judge you all the time (believe me, this isn't in my head)... I guess the people in my current Uni are a big part of why I feel like switching.

I feel so useless. Like I can't even handle situations like this. I'm gonna be facing this for the next 2 years of my life. Society is probably gonna be even tougher. I really do want to have a memorable Uni life, not one filled with misery. I really really don't know what to do. I so wanna change Uni, but I've been telling myself for the past few months, that I must stay strong and not let something like this ruin my future. I wanna change uni, but a small part of me wants to prove to myself that I can get through this. Am I weak? Am I useless? I feel like I am. For as long as I can remember, I've always loved going to school/college and being with friends whom I love. This is a new, foreign feeling. I need advise.

Disappointment

Sometimes I feel like I just can't go on anymore... maybe I just expect too much. Is it wrong to expect that people in Uni would GROW UP and learn to be sincere?

Angels in heaven

Damn, I wish I could stop being this emotional... I feel touched way too easily (later get cheated by guys easily... ish). I'm literally sniffling listening to the 9/11 tribute songs, particularly the "heaven" by dj sammy tribute, and the other one by Rick and Bubba or smth like that. It's just so heart-breaking thinking bout all those people who lost loved ones in incidents like that. *sobz*. I'm too emotional for my own good.

And once again, I'm procrastinating. Crap. I think I'm just gonna choose Kuching for one of my assignments, so I can crap all I want about the wonderful things we have in Kuching and my lecturers probably wouldn't even know. The assignment question is to choose a destination and research on it, and recommend to a board of directors why they would want to open a hotel or resort at the destination. Of course there are a lot of other subtitles that require information I have no idea about, but I'm just gonna crap my way through. After all, it's my own hometown, so it'll probably be easier? I hope? I need to stop procrastinating. Unlike truancy (I skipped class again today, so much for my resolution), procrastination is not an addiction, it's a disease. =S

Btw, if any of you have too much free time, go wikipedia kuching. There's supposedly gonna be a lot of big shopping malls coming up in Kuching in the very near future, and even a convention centre. I wonder how true all that info is. Kuching got so great meh? (Of course, for my assignment, Kch is absolutely the best place you could ever choose for a vacation.) =p

*whoosh*

and the weekends are once again gone. *sigh* 4 days ago, I told myself that I really must get started on all my remaining assignments this weekend, 'cause finals are gonna come as soon as those assignments are handed up, so it's better to finish them early and focus on finals. 4 days later (now), I've done oh, say, 0.5% of the research I should have done? Crap crap crap. Online downloads are evil. They keep my eyes focused on watching movies and series on my laptop when I'm supposed to be doing research. Evil sim for introducing megashares which downloads shit fast. My new printer is evil because I've been busy "playing" with it; scanning things I don't need and then deleting them just for the heck of it, and printing photos with the free photo paper that came with the printer. All these evil things tempting me to procrastinate. I seriously need to get started! But I just can't! My laziness is keeping me from being on time. *sighs*

Ghost rider is cool.

The one thing I never wanted to see again

after PC Fair last year is the one thing I'm gonna be looking at every day from now on.

Eh lyd, damn cheap here eh, that one we were selling for RM599 (or 399) right? Here I bought for AU$88 plus a free mp3 player with 1 gb memory. Cool ei? =P

Benefits of promoting printers 24/7 during BOTH PC Fairs last year: I don't even have to ask the salesman anything to know everything I need to know about this printer before getting it.

I decided to buy a printer 'cause I still have so many assignments to do, and printing at the library has become such a pain, not to mention, a rip-off. It's 12 cents per black-and-white page, and 80 cents or something ridiculous like that per coloured page. Crazy. That's like 1 dollar for 8 pages. Considering how many assignments I'm gonna be printing this year, next year, and forever, I think it's a lot more worth it to just buy a printer. And it's a lot more convenient having my own printer anyway. Originally wanted to buy just a printer, but I couldn't resist the offer for this all-in-one one, hehe.

Now I'm sitting here feeling guilty about spending 88 dollars for a printer/copier/scanner and free mp3. Maybe I just won't eat for one week.

Time

is flying by too fast. I was looking at a few of my cousins' friendster pages, and realised just how much we've grown up. My "baby" cousin is officially a rebellious teen (she turned 13 a day after I turned 20), my cousin from across the street from where I lived in Kch has been going steady with this guy for 3 years now (she's 2 years younger than me... 2 years used to seem like a big difference), my cousin 3 years younger than me has a drinking problem (a girl for that matter). I feel like we're all growing up too fast, and I can't keep up. Before we know it, you're all gonna be attending my graduation (hopefully =p). I feel like we should be spending time to enjoy, 'cause what other chance do we have if not now? When we're out in the society working, I doubt we'll have any chance at all to really enjoy like how we used to. Instead, I'm here spending 80% of my time in Uni, and the other 20% sleeping, eating, or doing assignments. I had always expected Uni life to be at least slightly enjoyable, not torturous.

Sometimes it feels like time is moving ahead all around me, and I'm just standing still, trying to resist time. Before I know it, I've already been here 4 months... 4 torturous months no doubt, but 4 months that have just passed before I even realised it. Sometimes, I really wish we had more hours in a day. So that I'ld at least have some time to relax. Every time I feel like I can finally chill a little, some lecturer would spring out with another assignment. Gah. I don't have time to procrastinate... but I do so anyway because I am not me if not for my laziness =D... why else do you think I'm here worrying about time, when I should be starting my new assignment and worry about time.

Let it snow let it snow let it snow!

If it's gonna be this cold, it might as well just snow; gives me a chance to be 'sakai' and frolick around in the snow. I mean if the weather wants to torture me, don't just rain, go all the way... snow! I hope for a white christmas. Which is impossible because it's summer on Christmas. AND, I'm gonna be on an island in winter. If I'm gonna freeze to death, I'ld rather it not happen on an island. Islands are where tsunamis (choi!) occur, not blizzards. I so think that drowning to death is a really horrible death. I have aquaphobia. Or whatever it's called. I fear drowning in the deep blue sea, or any other big-space-filled-with-deep-water for that matter. I hate not knowing what's swimming under me. I hate feeling helpless, knowing no one is gonna be able to save you if you drown out there. I hate not being able to see past the surface of the water. It's like you're about to get sucked into this deep black abyss where time doesn't exist. I hate my cousin for pushing me underwater when I was 6 and causing me this phobia!

It's, however, very ironic that everyone thinks I'm a professional swimmer, considering the kind of phobia I have. If only they've seen me swim =p. (Despite whatever hiao miao says about me swimming fine and proper, I still think I'm a very cacat swimmer. The kind that any swimming coach would be so ashamed of. My very first swimming coach passed away last year. Mr Yap, if you're reading this from heaven, I'm very sorry that I turned out like this 14 years from the time you stopped coaching me.)

Which is actually kinda straying a LIttle bit from the point of this post. One painful realisation: I won't be home for christmas!!! noooooo! How can! Not that very much happens on Christmas at home, but it's still that whole Christmas-time-wanna-be-with-family-and-close-friends feeling. Christmas is my favourite season of the year, and nothing should stand between me and enjoying my favourite season. =( I wanna be home for christmas, with my family and all my darlings back home. hehehe. (Bro, you're temporarily not part of my family because you suck. You told mum. You're lucky she's too blur to figure out that "someone signing for joce" equals "joce has been skipping class without me knowing", hrmf)

So, what does a Shiraz, a Merlot, and a Sauvignon Blanc smell like? My answer: Wine. My lecturer's reply: Get the hell out of my class. (No, that didn't really happen. I wouldn't be here if that had happened. I would be on the way back to kuching in humiliation.) I wish I were a dog. I'm sure a dog would have been able to smell the blackberries and oak in Shiraz, the apples and lemons in Sauvignon Blanc, and whatever. I smell wine okay. That's all I smell. Is it my fault that I smell wine when I'm sniffing wine?? Ish. We started wine studies yesterday, and wine tasting started today. I will be drunk and high every wed, thurs, and fri as of today. Not that we actually swallow the wine. We have to spit the wine out as soon as we take a mouthful for a taste... yes we spit, into sinks, shared by 2 or 3 people...tell me about disgusting. The only thing I'm probably gonna pass out of the 3 wine-tasting procedures (appearance, smell, taste) is the first. I may not be able to smell or taste the fruits or woodiness or whatever other substance a wine is supposed to smell or taste like (apparently, everyone will smell and taste different things in the wine because of differences in our sense of smell, taste buds, bla bla bla, I really haven't been listening much), but I sure as hell can tell you what colour it is and whether it's clear or not.

I love my lecturer though. He's so cool. He has two earrings on his left ear, and he uses a pink marker for the whiteboard. How cool is he?! (he's not gay btw) And he takes the same bus as me every morning. That's why he's cool. 'Cause only cool people like me take that bus every morning. =D (you know what would make him cooler? If he gave me my HD right now without having to sit for the wine-tasting exam.)

I made lamb stew yesterday. I'm making chocolate mousse and lime souffle next week. I'm so wonderfully good (and slow) at turning potatoes (I'ld like to think I am anyway, heehee). I'm thinking about all the food I cooked in cuisine class because I'm so full right now. I currently reign as cocktail queen (I refuse to admit to being miss distinction. makes me sound like some kinda nerd. ish. I don't even study half as much as they do. hrmf). I don't know half of what goes on in ITHB (International Tourism and Hospitality Businesses) class, but I pretend I do anyway. I'm secretly fearful that my classmates don't like me (I may not necessarily love them, but they must love me, lol). I keep talking about things relating to my uni and course in this paragraph because I believe that it will make up for my truancy.

I find it essential to exude random nonsense (some untrue) every day to survive. That's because I'm a superhero. More specifically, I'm an empath, like Peter Petrelli. Superheroes need to spout nonsense every day to cover their true identities. I'm in need of medication... or a tranquilizer.

Consequence of typing and editting a 4000-word essay in under an hour

Cool. My previous two posts were posted 1 hour and 11 minutes apart, at 4.44 and 5.55, according to my blog time (which is probably still M'sian time).

*gasp*

Maybe I really am going a bit overboard with my assignment. My 800-word essay is now a 4000-word essay. O.O I hope my lecturer doesn't penalise me for overshooting the minimum limit so much. It's not my fault he didn't set a maximum limit. =D

Restriction or Opportunity

In my uni, it's obligatory that our attendance does not reach under 80%, meaning that once we are absent for more than 20% of the classes without a valid reason, we are automatically sent home (oh, how I'ld love that right now... although, of course, I wouldn't wanna be sent home under these conditions). At first, I thought "20%... wow, that's not much at all". And then I came to realise, considering how many hours of classes I have a day, 20% is, in fact, a lot! And so, thus far, I have skipped over 20 classes since I started Uni this semester. Teeheehee. But of course, the girl with pful^zzz will always find a smart way to be lazy. Ultimately, my attendance record is still almost perfect except for 2 classes. Why? Because every Monday, we have two lecture classes, which means that every one of my semester 1 coursemates are combined in one big lecture theatre (instead of our own normal classes of only 18 people), and instead of calling rolls, the lecturers pass a paper around for us to sign. Obviously, I have a loyal classmate who signs for me every week so that the lecturer won't suspect anything. =D I've probably only attended the first two weeks of these two lecture classes this semester, of which I sat in the last row and occupied myself with my books... my storybooks of course.

The story may very well end "happily ever after" here. BUT, today I was told that they calculated the attendance according to hours, and not number of classes. HAHAHA. Which means, I don't even have to ask my loyal classmate (who is currently bed-ridden because his muscle tore from a previous injury and so, cannot sign for me next week... not that I need him to anymore, heehee =P) to sign for me, and still maintain a well under 10% absence record. I say 10% because my industry placement venue requires that my attendance record be at least 90%, instead of the Uni rules of 80% (damn). My acts of truancy do not even bring me close to 10%, 'cause I've already calculated that I can be absent for a total of 53.5 hours before it actually reaches 10%, and the 2 classes which I'm actually marked 'absent' for are only 2 hours each. That means I still have 49.5 hours to skip (not that I would skip unnecessarily of course... I usually skip when I feel a deep prolonged desire to sleep =D). hohohohoho. Pardon me, I mean 48 hours, because today I came home 1.5 hours ahead of legal time.

Truancy is an addiction.

Bro: Since I now know that you still read my blog, you better not tell mum about this... or dad for that matter. =p

Edit: Ok, you just told mum about it! I'm gonna kick your ass when you get here.

Expectations and hope

Even though I'm having hols this week, I hardly feel like I'm having time off at all. In between having assignments to complete and worry about, series to catch up with, I feel the obligation to start meeting up with friends I haven't seen in aeons. I haven't yet got around to doing so, but I really have to, soooon... before my so-called hols are over anyway.

I realised a long time ago that I was the kinda girl who looks at life through rose-tinted glasses. The kind that would like to believe that this world is perfect. The kind that wouldn't believe anyone was capable of evil of any sort unless someone's throat was slit right in front of my eyes. The kind that trusts everyone she meets, and believes that everyone's intentions are pure and good...and end up trusting the wrong people. Much time has passed since I was that girl. Yet now, I'm still very much that same girl. Except instead of believing all that, I just wish all that.

I've always been overly-passionate about the direction the world is taking and that people should know better than to destroy the world we live in. So much so that I always get so frustrated at the way people are nowadays. There are more deceitful people in this world than there are trustworthy people. Lies, greed, deception, back-stabbing just for the fun of it, etc... all daily happenings that I have no control over, and that frustrates me. It's not that I wanna play God, because I know God is the only one who has control over all this. But it's frustrating to know that there are actually so many of these kinda people in this world. It's frustrating to know that there's really nothing we can do to help. Because we're each only one person. What good can one person do against a whole world of hypocrites.

I was the kind of person that expects this world to be perfect... who expects life to be perfect... But as impossible as I know it is for myself to be perfect because I know I'm far from perfection, I beat myself up mentally whenever I screw up something in my life. I over-stress myself to produce outstanding results, even though I'm a lazy ass who always falls asleep trying to study. And get overly disappointed when sometimes I don't get the "A" I wanted. I overload my time with activities, even though sometimes I get so tired and just need some rest. I am overly sensitive, even though I tell myself a million times over that it doesn't matter what other people think of me. And honestly sometimes I think it's just all in my head. I expect too much from life. I expect too much of myself. I'm horrible aren't I. =(

And yet today, after realising all that, I am still that girl. The one who feels that there is still hope yet for this world. That things may still turn out the way I want them to. That some people may realise how stupid they are for acting the way they do and doing the things they do. That maybe, one day, everyone will be happy with what they have and not wish for more. That, as cliche and corny as this sounds, there might one day be true peace in this world. After all, I do believe that as long as there is still hope in one person, there is hope for everyone else. But then again, maybe all this optimism isn't good for me, 'cause the pessimism is concentrated elsewhere. =S

Every once in a while, I get this sudden burst of hope that someone will, one day, save the world. Maybe I've been idolising superheroes (who are obviously fictional) for far too long. =)

Dig

The lyrics of this song are so rightly jiwang... if I ever change, slap me in the face =)

Dig by Incubus

We all have a weakness

But some of ours are easier to identify

Look me in the eye

And ask for forgiveness

We'll make a pact to never speak that word again

Yes, you are my friend

We all have something that digs at us

At least we dig each other

So when weakness turns my ego up

I know you'll count on the me from yesterday

If I turn into another

Dig me up from under

What is covering the better part of me

Sing this song

Remind me that we'll always have each other

When everything else is gone

We all have a sickness

That cleverly attaches and multiplies

No matter how we try

We all have someone that digs at us

At least we dig each other

So when sickness turns my ego up

I know you'll act as a clever medicine

If I turn into another

Dig me up from under

What is covering the better part of me

Sing this song

Remind me that we'll always have each other

When everything else is gone

Oh, each other... when everything else is gone

whoopeee

I'm going behind the bar again tomorrow. =D 'Cause tomorrow's friday night and there will be lots and lots and lots of cocktail orders. Yay-ness. heeheehee.

Miracles happen

Even to pful-stricken people like me. I finished my assignment. Like one day ahead of time. Like it's due tomorrow and I finished it last night. Like I handed it up today... one day ahead of the due date. =O I so believe in miracles right now. =p

Dear God, if You could be so kind. Grant me more miracles to get me through the rest of the week's dinner service. (especially tomorrow 'cause some retard is maitre d'hotel/head waiter). Thank You God.

Sudden jiwang inspiration

I was browsing through people's blogs (those that are still alive anyway) and felt a sudden wave of jiwang-ness. It's been a really long time since I had a jiwang post. Yeah 'cause the past few posts have been complain posts. Blame my army camp and the stress they put me through. =P

Over the past few months that I've been here, I've been learning to come to terms with my predicament, that being me having to be here without the friends I really love. I've only cried twice from homesickness and friendsickness (sounds wrong, like I'm sick of friends, hehe) since I came here, which I must say, I'm extremely proud of because I know for a fact that I'm a very emotional person. Something I really can't control even though I always try very very very hard to. I blame the years of repressed emotions as a child. So much so that it's become very annoying now because I'm too emotional sometimes... annoying because when I'm angry I cry, and this totally defeats the purpose of becoming angry in the first place... which is to lash out and bite people's heads off =D. It kinda makes me totally incapable of being angry, because crying releases stress hormones or whatever. Okay, side-tracking a little here.

Reflecting upon my life now and the life I used to have. I feel like I've changed since I came here, but at the same time, I'm still very much the same person that walked away from my friends at Kuching Airport on the 11th of January this year. I'm learning every day; learning more about myself, and why I feel the way I feel, and think the way I think.

The way I feel about my classmates for instance. It's not like they're really terrible people or anything. I've grown to like them (most of them anyway) over the past months of spending 8 hrs in class per day with them. It's not like I have anything against them. It's just a feeling that I can't rely on them as much as I can rely on the people I left behind back home. There's one very big difference between me and them. That being that most of them are rich, or fairly rich anyway. They can afford to enjoy nightlife 2 or 3 times every week. They can afford to dine out all the time. They can afford to visit places near and far because they can afford to buy a car and drive it wherever they want. It's not like I don't wanna hang out with them. I just can't afford to, and they just don't get it. I've tried like a million times to explain to them that I'm not as loaded as they are. I have to try to save because I know how hard my dad is working to keep me here, and how tight our financial situation is. But it isn't just about that. The difference in financial status is only a small tiny part of it.

They're nice people yes. They're fun people yes. But there's just a barrier. It's not that I compare them to old friends. I don't. Because it'll be unfair to do so. Because if I did compare, my old friends, all of my old friends, no matter how close we were, my old friends will win a thousand times over. The reason isn't because I've known my old friends longer. I don't know what the reason is, but I do know what the reason isn't. But that will definitely be the ultimate outcome if I did compare. I just don't feel it. The kind of feeling I feel when I'm with my old friends. The kind of feeling I get when I think about my old friends now.

It doesn't have anything to do with them being new friends and needing time to get used to them either. Trust me, when you spend that much time with the same people every day (except weekends), you'll get used to them within a week. I'm going to attempt to provide an explanation, regardless of whether anyone will understand what I'm trying to say. Even back in the old days, in my past or whatever, with certain people you can click right away the first time you meet. With others, no matter how many months or years you've known each other, the chemistry just isn't there. The feeling just isn't there. That's exactly it. When I'm with them, I'm with them. But when I'm at home or out of uni and not with them, I don't even think about wanting to meet up with them. Erm... it's like this. With my old friends, I feel the need and want to see them and hang out with them and whatnot. I can't live without them. I can't function properly. I can't breathe. I can't live.. without them. But with these people, with or without them, I'm perfectly capable of going on with my life.

At the beginning of the course I was this really quiet girl who talked only when talked to and refused to speak up, and I felt like everything I did or said was being judged by everyone. And because of the distinction I got and the other distinction I'm potentially getting, some of them think I'm the studious hardworking kinda girl. HAHAHA. Now, those who know me would never in a million years believe that I am capable of being quiet. Those who really know me would know how crazy and hyper I can get... all the time. Those who know me would especially know how freaking lazy and un-studious I am.

Over the past months, I'm starting to open up more. I'm still not as talkative or as crazy with them as I used to be. But I'm trying. I'm trying to ignore my inferiority problem. I'm trying to believe myself when I tell myself that it doesn't matter whether they're judging me or not. I'm me. They should accept me for me.

To my old friends: you guys are irreplaceable. Really really irreplaceable. And no matter how far apart we all are, you guys will always ALWAYS be the greatest and best friends I'll ever have, and it's gonna stay that way. This includes the whole extended intima family (we're more like a family than a gang), chicken and the whole going-to-state-library-to-"study"-for-spm gang, my once-upon-a-time sunday bball gang, my icecream gang, my leo gang, champ (your friendship does mean a lot to me, despite the fact that i insult you every chance I get =D), y.ching n fab, flo n rx, 5c 2004 (yes all of you, every one of you), jill-who-used-to-visit-me-in-class-every-morning, cheryl n the whole church lot, even everyone I've crossed paths with while studying in inti (you guys hold that small little space in my heart too =P)... I really miss you guys. I miss being just a car ride away from all of you. I miss everything we used to share together. And a big part of my heart will always contain you guys. It doesn't matter how long we haven't seen each other, because I re-quote "you guys will always ALWAYS be the greatest and best friends I'll ever have, and it's gonna stay that way".

To my new friends (who don't even know of my blog and probably never will): you guys may not be the greatest or best friends I'll ever have, but you're all I've got here. I've accepted that fact, and I'm trying. I'm trying to open up to you guys. I really am. Maybe after our 1.5 years together in this course, you might finally see the real me. =)

Maybe this is the reason why fab calls me budak jiwang.

After doing a word-count on my above essay, I came to this conclusion: If I had been working on my 2000-word assignment like I was supposed to, I would be almost 75% done with it.